“What’s the difference between support and enabling?” Ming asked me. “It’s support when your therapist likes it, and it’s enabling when your therapist doesn’t like it,” I said. Ming laughed–he liked that distinction. “It’s support when you’re helping people do ‘good’ things, like exercise and go to the doctor and talk about their feelings. It’s… Read More »
Hello, reader. How are you doing? I’ve been thinking about what I like best about having a girlfriend. I have a four item list. what I like best about having a girlfriend Maybe pause and take a moment to try to predict my list. What do you think I like best? How about you? What’s… Read More »
Hello, reader. How are you? Do you know what romantic means? I used to think it meant going to a fancy restaurant for dinner with candlelight, red roses, and getting married in a big puffy white dress. It involved money, See’s Candy, and a tone related to New Relationship Energy. None of that is for… Read More »
Power in relationships is troubling me. I think about power all day–systems, families, governments, how decisions are made in groups I’m a part of. I’m a design geek now. So I think about power in how buildings and spaces are made, and how objects are made. Power in relationships can be seen in tradition and… Read More »
I’ve been doing non-monogamy since I was a teenager. It’s been 30 years. Yes, circa 1992, I began doing it with multi-folks and falling in love left and right, with all genders of people. So I’m familiar with slut feelings. Mostly slut feelings for me are about overwhelm and guilt. Slut feelings are not relaxing. … Read More »
Hello–how are you doing, reader? I wrote that post about relationship anarchy the other day and worked hard to state my problem with it. I came up with a few ideas: relationship anarchy doesn’t recognize my family. It’s used as an excuse not to be there for people. It’s another hierarchy. But somehow I missed… Read More »
Hello, how are you doing? I was thinking about my problem with relationship anarchy and wanted to explain. You’d think I would like it. I love relationships, and I’m an anarchist. But no–I am not a relationship anarchist. I’ve had friends who do relationship anarchy, and I read a manifesto some years ago. freedom Freedom… Read More »
Hello–how are you? Something hurting me lately is being pathologized by people who don’t understand what I’m doing. They have not seen someone do quite what I’m doing, and they misperceive it as some other thing they have seen and don’t like. It’s a way for them to center themselves as valid and Other me… Read More »
Hello, I’ve been thinking about nesting. I’m quite the nester. If I’m really close to someone, especially if sex is involved, I want to live with them. That’s just the kind of animal I am. Cozy, cuddly, caring, curious, homey, needy animal. I was thinking about nesting because I met a couple–they seem to really… Read More »
Trying to get away from the last person I was in a dysfunctional relationship with–wow, that was hard work. I’ve had many low-key dysfunctional relationships, but this was one of the more dangerous and expensive. I want to write about how to know it’s a no. Please learn from my errors! when you’re afraid to… Read More »