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Dangerous Compassions

standards in relationships

I used to think I earned worth by helping others.  Now I know my worth is unconditional.  I still enjoy helping others.  But I exist for myself.  It’s a great time to raise my standards in relationships. Yes, my chosen family member helped me see it was time.  They noticed me giving and giving in… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

fatness, power, and dating

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  I’ve been thinking about fatness, power, and dating for decades.  Yes, since I was a kid– for about 40 years. A close friend who’s younger than me is learning about it more newly.  That’s why I’m writing this post. privilege in dating Do you have thin privilege? Pretty privilege?… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

jealousy is a stressor

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  I’d like to announce my new zine, Jealousy Is a Stressor.  I made it a few weeks ago and forgot to tell you about it.  Bound with thread, cute, and text heavy.  I’m open to trades. Jealousy Is a Stressor is a mini-zine.  It reminds me of the How… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

fetishizing

Hey, reader.  How are you doing?  I was wondering the difference between fetishizing and loving.  Have you ever been accused of fetishizing?  Do you have any kinks that might lead to that? I was thinking about all this because of fatness.  Someone on Lex was complaining about how fat people are shamed in queer community. … Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

the difference between support and enabling

“What’s the difference between support and enabling?” Ming asked me. “It’s support when your therapist likes it, and it’s enabling when your therapist doesn’t like it,” I said. Ming laughed–he liked that distinction. “It’s support when you’re helping people do ‘good’ things, like exercise and go to the doctor and talk about their feelings.  It’s… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

what I like best about having a girlfriend

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  I’ve been thinking about what I like best about having a girlfriend.  I have a four item list. what I like best about having a girlfriend Maybe pause and take a moment to try to predict my list.  What do you think I like best? How about you?  What’s… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

what romantic means

Hello, reader.  How are you?  Do you know what romantic means?  I used to think it meant going to a fancy restaurant for dinner with candlelight, red roses, and getting married in a big puffy white dress.  It involved money, See’s Candy, and a tone related to New Relationship Energy.  None of that is for… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

power in relationships

Power in relationships is troubling me.  I think about power all day–systems, families, governments, how decisions are made in groups I’m a part of. I’m a design geek now.  So I think about power in how buildings and spaces are made, and how objects are made.  Power in relationships can be seen in tradition and… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

slut feelings

I’ve been doing non-monogamy since I was a teenager.  It’s been 30 years.  Yes, circa 1992, I began doing it with multi-folks and falling in love left and right, with all genders of people.  So I’m familiar with slut feelings. Mostly slut feelings for me are about overwhelm and guilt.  Slut feelings are not relaxing. … Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

my actual problem with relationship anarchy

Hello–how are you doing, reader?  I wrote that post about relationship anarchy the other day and worked hard to state my problem with it.  I came up with a few ideas: relationship anarchy doesn’t recognize my family.  It’s used as an excuse not to be there for people.  It’s another hierarchy.  But somehow I missed… Read More »