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Dangerous Compassions

dear man

Hello–how are you?  My friend and I were talking about DBT, and they reminded me how DBT has some cool acronyms.  They like DEAR MAN.  Yes, me too! Here is a nice handout describing it. https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php dialectical behavioral therapy Have you done DBT?  Some people do it in the hospital.  I did it outpatient for… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

skills

I’ve been working on a list of skills, mine and Ming’s.  And the traits we share to make positive change.  What do you think? Ming’s skills permaculture design garden / plant care, composting, sheet mulch  animal care: chickens, goats, bees  selling at Farmers Markets and craft fairs tracking and data entry Registered Nursing: hospital, hospice,… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

language

  “Hear what I mean, not what I say,” is something Ming has been telling me for our entire relationship.  We’d have a disagreement, with lots of language flying and emotions in the air, and I would get confused, listening carefully to his words. “What do you mean, listen to what you mean?  How do… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

emotional breakdown

“Why are you sad?” Ming asked.  We were pulled over by this off-roading area where people ride dirt bikes and dune buggies.  But they were far away and not too loud.  It was a good place to have an emotional breakdown. “I don’t know–am I sad?” I asked.  I was crying with my whole body,… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

vulnerable is

Hey, I’ve been thinking about what vulnerable is.  Maybe I use the word differently than other people.  Ming asked me what I meant by vulnerable, during a conversation we were having about sex and feelings, and recently someone else asked me the same. Vulnerable is my whole life’s goal.   It’s part of honesty, intimacy, and… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

punk saved my life

Punk saved my life.  It was riot grrl.  Just learning that women like me could scream on a mic, giving voice to our truths.  We can access a wild, loud power.  I didn’t need to learn how to play electric guitar and sweat in front of people, myself.  But knowing other women were doing that… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

nurturing

Been thinking a lot about nurturing.  What I give, and why–who I choose to support emotionally. quiet For the first half of my life, my goal was to stay quiet and dodge harm.  I was different from the people around me in what I needed, and my differences were not understood and respected.  So my… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

May Day

“Think about how good you are.  Close your eyes–take a deep breath.  Think how you are fucking amazing, and do so much work, for the world.”  Ming was about to go out to the May Day event to bring tech and street medicine to the people.  “Relax your shoulders.  Ok, smile more.” He was wearing… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

the five things I need

Being able to have difficult conversations is something I need, in any close relationship.  I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships, the five things I need, non-negotiable. the five things I need mutual respect Respect is like love, but less sparkly.  I need to be seen as pretty much equal to anyone I’m going to… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

true, kind, and narcolepsy

“Is your cereal good?” I asked Ming. He nodded, his eyes closed, half-asleep. “Talking to you is like talking to a three year old, sometimes,” I said. “Trying to get a little kid to talk. Do you like those blocks? I like those blocks! Do you like the blue one? Which one is your favorite?”… Read More »