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Dangerous Compassions

service tops redux

Hello, reader.  How’re you?  This is service tops redux. I wrote a post last summer called “the difference between a service top and a service sub.”  That post has received more comments than most of my posts.  So the ideas might be important or provocative to their intended audience. Recently a helpful commenter suggested I… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

how to honor jealousy

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  I’m thinking about how to honor jealousy.  Jealousy is so painful, yet we get shamed for it.  Let’s find ways we can support each other in all our hard feelings. How do you like to be treated when you feel jealous?  I like patience, kindness, compassion, and chill curiosity. … Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

jealousy

“What about jealousy?” I asked.  “Does your partner do it with other people?  How is that for you?” My good friend and I were at a park in Portland, visiting after some weeks apart.  I felt curious about how their close nesting relationship is going. “I don’t have much jealousy–it’s more FOMO,” my friend answered. … Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

the difference between a service top and a service sub

I’ve been thinking about the difference between a service top and a service sub.  I thought they were kind of opposite–now I think they’re kind of the same, just with a different attitude. Yes, in some ways, I’m a service sub.  I want to help, be petted, and be told I’m a good pumpkin.  I… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

dating a fat person

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  It’s important to know something about fat people if you’re dating a fat person.  Some background info will help you be respectful.  So I’m writing to speak my truth, but also as a public service announcement. dating a fat person is special We all get harmed in one way… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

slutty lesbians

“Maybe we should do a ritual to summon some slutty lesbians,” my housemate friend suggested.  We had been talking about Sappho.  My friend told me that Sappho was the original lesbian.  Yes, OG. I said something about Sappho being slutty, and how the lesbians I’ve known were not slutty.  They’ve been straight laced and tame.… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

inappropriate

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  This post may be inappropriate for some viewers.  Proceed with caution if you have an innocent mind.  Content warning: sex. tag team “Do you know what tag team means?” I asked Ming. We were lying in bed talking.  I’d just published the post on Noam Chomsky that mentions tag… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

my problem with relationship anarchy

Hello, how are you doing?  I was thinking about my problem with relationship anarchy and wanted to explain. You’d think I would like it.  I love relationships, and I’m an anarchist.  But no–I am not a relationship anarchist.  I’ve had friends who do relationship anarchy, and I read a manifesto some years ago. freedom Freedom… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

breakup advice

Hello, how are you doing?  A friend of mine is torn up, suffering, heartbroken about needing to break up.  She’s scared of hurting anyone and being the bad guy.  So I have breakup advice on my mind.  I would like to share with you too. Sex kindles such big feelings–deep needs and vulnerabilities.  Emotions are… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

something hurting me

Hello–how are you?  Something hurting me lately is being pathologized by people who don’t understand what I’m doing.  They have not seen someone do quite what I’m doing, and they misperceive it as some other thing they have seen and don’t like. It’s a way for them to center themselves as valid and Other me… Read More »