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Dangerous Compassions

the stage of grief where I google how to deactivate my facebook account

Ming is heating up some breakfast and peeling a sumo fruit to eat.  I like the way he keeps going. from yesterday: “Do you know sand smells?” I asked Ming. “Do I know how sand stones?” “Do you know how sand smells?” I asked again, enunciating. “Yeah,” he said. “Does it smell that way just […]

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Dangerous Compassions

the stage of grief where I listen to my youtube playlist about my dad

My dad used to sing this song to me sometimes, just the “Ah, Marie!  Ah, Marie!” part.  He called me Punk mostly, if he called me anything.  But my mom called me Marie, so he would hear that and sing that song.  It never occurred to me to look it up, but I did, the […]

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Dangerous Compassions

the stage of grief where I insult Ming about his taste in stickers

“You’re throwing away these stickers?” Ming asked. “Yeah!  Those are terrible stickers!” “Get well soon?” “They have no beauty!  They’re boring!  They’re terrible quality!  They have that gold edge, like they’re trying to be fancy.  They’re reprehensible stickers!” “Ok,” Ming said, letting them fall back into the trash. “You know nothing about stickers!” I told […]

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Dangerous Compassions

why I worship goddesses so much

I was listening to a lecture yesterday that was blowing my mind, lying in bed, having some hours mostly alone.  Some brilliant religious scholar in Santa Barbara–I like the way he pronounces stuff.  It was about shakti, which is my favorite, especially lately–oh, believe me. It was talking about this word that’s a synonym for […]

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Dangerous Compassions

the stage of grief where I can’t eat cookies

I keep thinking I’m doing really great, and I am, compared to how I thought I’d be.  But then I keep doing things I never did before.  Today, I intended to eat some cookies after breakfast, and I never got around to it.  The whole process of getting a plate, getting a cup and some […]

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Dangerous Compassions

island

Hey, I got through the second night.  I’m not sleeping enough. Yesterday two friends came to sit with me, afternoon then evening, and both brought food.  I’m kind of confused how I have such nice friends. One brought candy also, and one brought special rocks they found.  “I keep telling myself not to bring home […]

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Dangerous Compassions

good luck, Mama

I’ve thought for a while that it’s part of the parent’s job, to prepare the child for the child’s departure from home–to help the child learn how to live without the parent.  And also to prepare the child for the departure of the parent to the other world. I will help you learn how not […]

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Dangerous Compassions

what motivates me

I made a list of questions to ask my friend.  A main one is–what do you most want; what’s motivating you.  So I asked myself this question. I decided I most want pleasure and meaning.  I mostly get pleasure from touch and connection, and I get meaning from helping people, having a helpful vision I’m […]

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Dangerous Compassions

modern lace, frog secretions, complaining about complaining in pre-spring

“Would you want to microdose on a frog secretion?” I asked Ming. “Maybe,” he said. “How about for forty bucks?” “Maybe,” he said.  “Were frogs harmed?” “Probably,” I said.  “Do you think they asked the frog’s permission?”  (Two second fantasy of new age frog permission asking ceremony.) “Do you think they gave the frog forty […]

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Dangerous Compassions

Rainbow and me

Hey, did you know Rainbow is the sweetest cat in the world?  Ming was doing a photoshoot with me, for an author photo, and Rainbow jumped up on the bench like the lover she is.  So many people visit our peaceful courtyard, and so many people pet Rainbow and feel happy. So thank you to […]