Categories
Dangerous Compassions

self-hate as motivation

Self-hate as motivation has never worked, for me.  For anything, that I can recall. I made a video of myself dancing, which I’d never done before.  It was partially in response to a youtube troll saying something mean to me about my body.  When I read his mean comment, I thought of some snappy comebacks… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

how to love your tummy

I used to hate my tummy, back when I thought being fat was bad.  I believed I had a responsibility to try to thin myself, and I carried a ton of shame.  Now that I know weight doesn’t determine health, and health doesn’t determine value, I love my tummy.  What a good tummy I have! … Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

bad girls

It was early morning; Ming was still waking up.  I didn’t want annoy him, so when a song began to play, I asked, “Is this ok?”  It was Bad Girls by MIA. He danced a little bit, to indicate he liked the song. “Oh, you’re a dance slut,” I said.  “You would dance to anything. … Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

parking lots

Hey, the song of the day is Burn It Down.  Hope you like it. Ming wanted to hear it, and he danced so cutely, this morning.  He asked for the song about Rodney Coronado, and I didn’t know what he was talking about.  But when I searched for Burn It Down, I was like–oh!  Yeah,… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

fat party

“Uoooooh!” I said. “What?” Ming asked. “I’m invited to this holiday party over zoom, for fat girls.  I’m not a girl, but I am fat.  I’m a ‘fat girl,’ in a sense.” Ming was writing something down, sitting in the half-dark with me.  “Hahahaha!  I just put that in quotes.  Look at me.  I’m a… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

fat hiker

I love being myself, so I love being a fat hiker.  Walking on desert ground and seeing those amazing plants that heal my soul.  Seeing rocks, trash, sky, clouds.  Hearing quiet.  Feeling wind and warmth. Moving through space a lot–pausing to stretch or dance and get my wiggles out.  Pausing to take a photo or… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

fat is ok

This morning on our walk, I said good morning to the weird new guy on the corner like usual.  And I waved.  He slightly smiled and waved back.  I was surprised and very happy; always before, I said good morning and he just looked at me weird.  This is a huge victory!  Oh, to be… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

fat dance

It was a weird-ass Halloween.  I finally talked to my friend who’s back in prison.  He’d been calling me, but I missed his calls.  Usually my ringer is off–I only turn it on for specific reasons. So I was looking at my phone and saw that call, from that area code.  I hadn’t heard my… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

newed with the newiest new

ice cream experiment I tried making ice cream, in a coffee mug.  I combined pomegranate juice with half & half.  Then I let it sit in the freezer for an hour or so.  Stirred it.  Let it sit in the freezer for 40 minutes or so.  Stirred it.  Another hour or so.  Stirred it. It’s… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

how to be respected

I’ve been afraid to say some things in my writing because it can be vulnerable, and when I’m responded to with judgment, cruelty, disrespect, and lack of understanding, it hurts. I have certain disadvantages, as a fat crazy woman, and the world treats me in certain ways.  When I’m disrespected, that’s pretty normal for me. … Read More »