Categories
Dangerous Compassions

divest

Hello, how are you doing?  I’ve been thinking about breaking up.  My good friend is about to break up with a partner.  It’s been a long time coming.  I did that divorce ritual with my housemate a couple weeks ago, when she quit her job.  Breaking up is a weird extreme thing to do.  I… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

saying I love you to men

Hello, how are you doing?  I had a realization yesterday.  It was that saying I love you to men is almost always a bad idea. Wow, I thought if I felt love or was doing love, I was supposed to say it.  Clarity is usually an important thing, right?  Wrong!  Saying I love you to… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

breakup advice

Hello, how are you doing?  A friend of mine is torn up, suffering, heartbroken about needing to break up.  She’s scared of hurting anyone and being the bad guy.  So I have breakup advice on my mind.  I would like to share with you too. Sex kindles such big feelings–deep needs and vulnerabilities.  Emotions are… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

what I need friends for

I was thinking about what I need friends for.  I got close to a new housemate who seemed to have a different project socially than mine.  He’s charming, brilliant, and kind, with his fingers in many pies of activism and social change.  We live in community together and have a ton in common. But we… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

unbalanced power in relationships

Hello.  How have you been?  I’m thinking about unbalanced power in relationships.  I was on instagram and saw a post by a therapist I like Nedra Glover Tawwab.  She is so smart and direct.  I don’t always agree with her ideas.  But she gives me such tasty food for thought. People talk crap about social… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

vows

Oh hey, how are you doing?  Did you take any good vows lately? When I got married to Ming, we spoke some nice ones. I’ll always be your friend. I’ll always love you. I’ll stay with you through hard times. I’ll hold you as my dearest incarnation of God. We’re doing a good job with… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

all I ask of you

Oh hey, how are you doing?  I was thinking about a song.  When I was a teenager, there was a famous musical Phantom of the Opera.  It was dramatic and creepy about love, including All I Ask of You, a romantic, soaring love declaration song. My dear aunt bought me a ticket to Phantom of… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

relationships in community

Hello, I’ve been thinking about relationships in community.  The farm in Ojai where Ming and I were just living–there are a few couples.  The dynamics between the couples affected me a lot.  Maybe because I come from a family where violence was the norm. Addiction and violence were the big problems in my family of… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

what care looks like

A friend asked on facebook what care looks like as a verb.  I answered with lots of words and decided to write this essay about accountability to share with you. what care looks like Care looks like all of these. wanting to show up clarity follow thru consistency curiosity loose grip playfulness aftercare treating a… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

how to be a good partner

I was on a social media site, and someone was asking for relationship advice.  She explained her situation with her fiance, and people responded telling her not to marry him and pointing out red flags.  It was intense to read.  A commenter posted this link to Relationship Skills: A Checklist, which is about how to… Read More »