I keep thinking I’m doing really great, and I am, compared to how I thought I’d be. But then I keep doing things I never did before.
Today, I intended to eat some cookies after breakfast, and I never got around to it. The whole process of getting a plate, getting a cup and some milk, eating the cookies–it seemed way too hard. Like, why.
I went to bed instead, to do nothing. I txted people a bit, but mostly, I was just lying there. It was kind of good, but as the hours passed, it became less good.
Then I got hungry for lunch, and thought I would get up, but it was too hard. An hour later, I really needed to pee, so I did get up, and here I am, a person.
I asked Ming, “Is this depression?” I’m not in a ton of pain, but nothing seems worth doing. Ming said he’d be patient with me.
I’m having a hard time making decisions, completing anything. I get distracted easily. I had some energy early this morning and made some delicious rice. But problems with follow-through.
Ming did the laundry. He did the big shop without me. Going outside seemed impossible, like a hundred things were between me and exiting.
Thank you to Ming and everyone who’s helping.