Dangerous Compassions

the stage of grief where I can’t eat cookies

I keep thinking I’m doing really great, and I am, compared to how I thought I’d be.  But then I keep doing things I never did before. 

Today, I intended to eat some cookies after breakfast, and I never got around to it.  The whole process of getting a plate, getting a cup and some milk, eating the cookies–it seemed way too hard.  Like, why.

I went to bed instead, to do nothing.  I txted people a bit, but mostly, I was just lying there.  It was kind of good, but as the hours passed, it became less good.

Then I got hungry for lunch, and thought I would get up, but it was too hard.  An hour later, I really needed to pee, so I did get up, and here I am, a person.

I asked Ming, “Is this depression?”  I’m not in a ton of pain, but nothing seems worth doing.  Ming said he’d be patient with me.

I’m having a hard time making decisions, completing anything.  I get distracted easily.  I had some energy early this morning and made some delicious rice.  But problems with follow-through.

Ming did the laundry.  He did the big shop without me.  Going outside seemed impossible, like a hundred things were between me and exiting.

Thank you to Ming and everyone who’s helping.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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