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Dangerous Compassions

falling asleep

Hello, how are you doing?  I was thinking about what goes through my head when I’m falling asleep lately.  It’s changed.  For a while it was Rainbow Goddess.  Perhaps you know her. She lives on a mountain by herself, like a fire lookout, but she wouldn’t tell anyone about the fire.  She would let it… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

how to make yourself go to sleep

Hello, how are you doing?  I have experience with insomnia, hypomania and mania, chronic pain, sedation on a bipolar cocktail, obstructive sleep apnea, and self-harm in the form of old, lumpy pillows.  This post is about how to make yourself go to sleep when you don’t want to.  It’s also about who has worth. how… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

hydrangea

“Those are hydrangea,” I told Ming as we drove by a lot with a grassy yard and big hydrangea bush by the house.  “God, what an ugly name!  Sounds like a disease.” “Yeah,” Ming said. “I have hydrangea–I have six weeks to live!” I said.  “I need to be watered.  Don’t send flowers.” These hydrangea… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

how I talk to myself in my head

Hello, how are you doing?  I would like to tell you how I talk to myself in my head.  When I’m suffering and losing hope, when I’m in need of comfort, and when I’m going to sleep, this is how I talk to myself in my head. Is sleeping really hard for you?  It’s one… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

what I’ve learned from this travel

Hello, how are you doing?  I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned from this travel.  Normally in regular life I learn a lot, but it’s quiet home things.  This learning from a time of not having a home is more intense and quick. I can’t control the pace–life is just coming at me, and I… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

poke bowl

“Want some?” Ming asked.  He was eating a poke bowl. I made a weird facial expression.  “No thank you,” I said.  “For me, that’s worse than starvation food.  I would eat lichen before I ate that.” He found this answer amusing.  So I asked if I could take his picture.  He obliged kindly, kneeling by… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

narcolepsy

Hello, I’ve been thinking a lot about narcolepsy, which is a disability that Ming has.  It’s probably his main disability.  Here is Ming doing narcolepsy skillfully. Yes, good job hitting the bed.  In the right direction, even. what it is Narcolepsy is about falling asleep when you’re not supposed to, and staying awake when you’re… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

melatonin

I tried melatonin before, and it made me feel like a zombie.  Melatonin is a hormone that helps regulate sleep.  I couldn’t get the dose small enough.  Even 1mg tabs knocked me out in a bad way. Then I had that panic attack recently and lots of trouble getting to sleep.  I needed help.  I… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

insomnia

“Yes, I’m listening to Hong Kong electronica!  What of it!?” I demanded of Ming. “I didn’t say nothin,’” Ming said. “Listen!” I said.  I was dancing in the bedroom, on the squishy mat.  He glanced at my shelf and left.  He had his headphones half-on and was listening to music on his own. sleep I… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

curse of the writer

“You’re the one slinging accusations of purity, not me!” Ming just read me from a facebook argument, which I found funny.  “How do you sling an accusation of purity?” I asked.  “Wouldn’t that be nothing?  Like slinging air?”  The idea of snow.  The idea of a fluffy cloud. He mentioned a friend who specializes in… Read More »