Categories
Dangerous Compassions

schizophrenia dream

I woke up in the morning from a schizophrenia dream and wrote this six word poem. schizophrenia dream fresh asparagus closed tightly Then I photographed some asparagus in our colander before I broke off the woody stems and cooked the tender shoots in my wok.  Wow, it was delicious. Then I made the schizophrenia dream… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

chuck e cheese

Does this ever happen to you?  You’re going about your day, doing your thing, and suddenly in your mind you get a very vivid sense of a place.  A place from your past.  This has happened to me for countless years–most of my life?  Lately, the place is often… Chuck E Cheese. It’s kind of… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

paranoia

Hello, do you experience paranoia?  The difference between imagining something and believing it, can be like the difference between my navy skirt and black skirt.  I stand in the bedroom staring at the clothing trying to differentiate, clueless.  I consider asking Ming, then decide it’s not that important, and wear it. Yes, I can imagine… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

feel your feelings

I ponder the damage done in the world by people who hate themselves.  Mostly because they don’t feel their feelings. “I think people hate themselves because they do bad behaviors.  And they do bad behaviors because they don’t let themselves feel their feelings,” I told Ming.  “And that makes them do more bad behaviors.” luxury… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

autism plus crazy

It hurts that countless psychiatrists and other doctors never noticed my autism.  They definitely noticed my crazy, my “flat affect,” that I hear voices and have huge moods.  But I feel strongly that autism plus crazy is a whole other thing.  The combination deeply affects what’s best for us with medication, therapy, and all the… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

melatonin

I tried melatonin before, and it made me feel like a zombie.  Melatonin is a hormone that helps regulate sleep.  I couldn’t get the dose small enough.  Even 1mg tabs knocked me out in a bad way. Then I had that panic attack recently and lots of trouble getting to sleep.  I needed help.  I… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

how I learned to do less

Last year I knew I needed to cut back on my responsibilities and activities, but I didn’t know how.  Everything I did felt crucially important.  But I needed to give more energy to myself, work on my health, and lower my stress.  It could be a matter of life and death.  I want to tell… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

panicking

Last night I was panicking, and it was a hard night.  I went through a whole experience.  There was restless overwhelm, then a classic panic attack, and a ton of recovery until I could sleep. Ming helped me in all of that.  He asked me some cool questions, and I got distracted answering them.  He… Read More »

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Dangerous Compassions

the back entrance to a psych hospital

Ming had a doctor’s appointment that was supposed to be virtual, but last minute he heard from the office that he needed to be there in person.  So we went to a medical part of town, across from the children’s hospital.  I walked during his appointment, and it was pretty miserable.  I saw something disturbing… Read More »

Categories
Dangerous Compassions

taunting NAMI

When I saw the NAMI table at the SWANfest, I started daydreaming about taunting NAMI. Taunting NAMI is a fantasy more than a reality.  But NAMI represents the powerful standard belief that the system is good, and we just have to try harder to adapt ourselves to it.  Normal is desirable and within reach, if… Read More »