Hello, reader. How are you doing? Are you fortunate to have a loving partner you interdepend with? I’m thinking about how to help your partner before a medical procedure.
Disabled people endure this a lot, and as we age. Even if you are helping friends, not partners, these tips might help. Autistic people, traumatized people, kids and teenagers– all might benefit from some preparation before a medical procedure.
ask questions
It’s great to ask questions beforehand. Two weeks out, one week out, and a few days before, the answers might change.
So scheduling conversations is a good idea, or just initiating them spontaneously.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how scared are you?
- What parts are hardest?
- Do you remember when we did this before, what happened?
- Do you remember what helped?
- What can we do to make it easier for you?
- What foods will you want to eat after the procedure?
- Is there any comfort or treat you would like?
- Would you like to be present and engaged with your surroundings, or would you like to be as dissociated and distracted as possible?
- Is there anyone we can ask for help?
- Do you want to plan what you’re going to wear to the hospital?
- When can we sing?
- When can we pray?
- Can we talk about what’s going to happen that day?
talk through what’s going to happen
Let’s visualize that day together. In the morning, you’re not going to eat breakfast. Two hours before we’re supposed to be at the hospital, you’re going to stop drinking any fluids. You’ll take a shower, and you’ll wear clothes that are easy to get off and on.
I’m going to drive you there. I’ll carry a bag that has Bunny in it, headphones, earplugs. I’ll carry your bag that has your wallet and phone. We’ll check in, and we’ll wait.
Then they’ll ask you to change into a gown. We’ll wait somewhere else. I’m going to stay with you for as long as I’m allowed to be with you. I’ll hold your hand.
They might put an IV in. That’s tough, but we’re going to be ok.
I’m going to wait patiently as you’re in the procedure. When you come out of the procedure, I’m going to be happy to see you. I might not look super happy, but I’m going to feel happy in my heart.
I’ll help you get to the car. I’ll hand you some juice to drink. Definitely I will help you into our home, and we can take it as slowly as you want.
Then the rest of the day, you’ll rest, and I’ll listen to you and take care of you. I’m not going to let more stressful things into our day. I can help you take a shower, read to you, touch your back in a circle, pray with you, and I’ll look at our meal plan to make you foods.
For 24 hours after the procedure, I’ll be with you. If you’re in a bad mood, that’s ok. I’ll be patient with you. Then the next day will be easier.
precare
Please care for yourself, dear one of the medical procedure sufferer.
- stay hydrated
- do your dailies
- reach out to the people you love who love you
- sleep how you need to sleep
- eat foods you love
- be kind to yourself
Thank you for staying nourished, to be strong to help another person.
aftercare
Probably in your family you already have an aftercare plan, if you are in need of that. Low light, alone time with scheduled checkins, prayer, touch, bathing, and reduced stress are probably on that list.
thank you
Thank you for being there before a medical procedure for your loved ones. Some procedures have more rules beforehand, like I needed to quit all supplements for the week before the procedure I have tomorrow. Even iron and fish oil I need to pause.
It can be a lot to think about and hold in the mind.
Care is real, and there’s so much we can do for each other. Even though the work is unpaid and invisible-ized as femme, it matters.
