Hello, reader. How are you? Yesterday I went to a wild park with Ming. People ride horses there. There are some creeks and a fork of the Willamette River. I went there to sun, rest, and talk to the wind.
I showed up in a horrible mood. So sad, missing my mom like hell, peevish, irritable, inconsolable. What healed me?
- prayer
- talking to the wind
- rest
- sunning
- rubbing shea butter on my legs and arms
- braiding Ming’s hair
- singing three verses of O Come All Ye Faithful while lying on my brown blanket in the grass
- the Oregon Ash dancing
- peeing by the baby conifer
- gently taking a spider off Ming’s shirt
- the smallest ladybug I ever saw landing on my left knee
- a box elder bug charging right for me, who I gently redirected
- bird song
- birds coming to listen to me as I talked to the wind
- Ming’s patience and support
- being the big spoon
I need to talk to the wind sometimes. The wind sends my messages to people who I can’t speak with directly. It’s prayer, if we can pray to people who are alive or on the other side. Also it’s like an empty chair exercise in therapy. If I could tell you anything, the whole truth, what would I say?
Not what’s fair, rational, or considerate. Exactly what I actually feel, messy and unfiltered.
thank you
Ever since I was a little kid, I would pray to ancestors. It’s Mother’s Day, and my mom is no longer with me as a living person. She was the only person besides Ming who always wanted me there, who welcomed me all the time.
I miss that kind of love, to be wanted like that. Well, I miss a thousand things about her.
I needed to talk to the wind and thank my mom, along with other moms and non-moms who love, nurture, support, and accept me. Felt like a needed release. I love to thank friends, Jaguar, Jagaddhatri, Parent Earth, Ming, chosen family.
Ming stood by and witnessed me as I talked to the wind. Ming’s eyes were closed. Sometimes their hand was on their heart. A few times I heard a “mm hmm” affirmation of something I said.
talk to the wind
Then I wanted to send an email to everyone who’s nurtured me and kept me alive– mom and non-mom, parent and non-parent– saying thank you. Telling them they were part of my Mother’s Day ritual, and I spoke to them.
Then me and Ming took pictures and ate our picnic. Ming fed me bites of watermelon.
“Smaller,” I said.
I decided to write a blog post to send with the email. This is that blog post!
love
A little love goes a long way. And tons of love goes very, very far. In fact, some love stretches decades and generations.
I thanked people who have not walked the earth in quite a while, friends who don’t speak with me anymore, the dear ones who I check in with daily, and many bright, creative, curious, wild, charming darlings, mostly who live far away.
Your love makes a difference. Thank you for being who you are. Look what we can do with support, and how your care matters.
