Hello, reader. How you doing? Commitment requires energy, and not everyone has it. I’m glad Ming and I are signed up for love.
Our chosen family member asked me what I mean when I say it’s work, keeping a spot for someone. I mean commitment requires energy.
Relationship matters to me and is a big part of what I’m on earth for. I enjoy commitment, and I take relationship seriously.
Here are some ways I expend energy doing commitment.
considering someone
I consider you in my life choices. Not that I would ignore my own needs, to behave according to what you want. Just when I factor in everything, your feelings and needs matter.
So I’m thinking about who you are, what you need, what we agreed to share and do together within the next few weeks and months, and long-term plans and dreams we share. When I consider moving, deepening my commitment to a project or person, making a big shift, buying a car… I think about our relationship and who you are. I think about what’s going to happen to you. Because we’re close, my choices affect you.
loyalty
If I find myself in a bind, I am not going to throw you under the bus. I’m going to speak well of you to shared acquaintances, tell the truth, defend you if someone is rude about you, and express that I’m grateful for you and the role you play in my life.
I mention you when I’m talking to other people and you come up. I’m proud that we’re close.
love
I want to make time for you, and make sure you feel safe in our relationship. Thanking you, telling you I love you, checking in daily, tracking your school schedule and other things you have going on, and feeding you are ways I like to make sure you know you’re loved.
Shared jokes, shared culture, love notes and other small gifts, and keeping you informed about what’s going on in my life are important ways for me to stay close.
including
I want to include you in my life. Letting you into my spiritual life, poetry life, reading life, home, bed, and inviting you into my close relationships…. Depending on how much I trust you, it’s a pleasure to share intimacy by including you.
Sharing resources is a big deal too. Sharing food, a car, money, and projects.
spiritual life
When I think of how commitment takes energy, it’s partly spiritual.
- keeping you in my daily prayers
- asking you how you’re doing and at least somewhat holding your needs with you
- supporting your safety when you take risks and learn
- talking with you about moral choices and integrity
- sharing ritual
- tarot readings
- everyday spiritual life such as holding hands and asking Parent Earth for protection before a trip
It’s vulnerable and beautiful to work toward our spiritual well-being together.
love goddess
If you signed up to be close to a love goddess, don’t be surprised when love is something I give a lot of importance to. I put a lot of thought into relationships.
Commitment is about having a safe container to do intimacy within. I need to feel safe in order to be real with you and unfurl to my whole self.
I’m not into episodic intimacy which is like candy or drugs. Just like casual sex sounds extremely stressful to me, not fun at all– I need long-term, changing, alive intimacy which is always in motion.
That’s my favorite kind of fun–it’s stabilizing. That’s what queer chosen family means to me.
commitment requires energy
Commitment is a powerful spell to keep us together. It’s helpful until it’s not. Depth of trust, intimacy, and certain types of pleasure are possible in long relationships– less possible in short ones.
I need relationships where we’re both happy for a long time. I thrive on continuity–long threads. And I need support in a disabled way, but also all beings need support.
If we’re not happy, let’s back up or part ways. But if we can stay happy, let’s work toward that together.
