Hello, reader. How are you doing? My friend Ellie died night before last, and I’m sadly disoriented. She was my community member and a beloved trans elder. I can’t believe she’s no longer among the living.
Ellie was a radical faerie, although she never went to the Sanctuary. She had faerie values and ways–she was my dear. I invited her to the summer Two-spirit Asexual Intersex Nonbinary Trans event, and she was interested but said, “Let me know how it goes.”
Ellie was busy with her beautiful orange polydactyl kitten Oliver. She was also a musician obsessed with a certain type of Japanese flute. I get the idea that if I had taken up the flute like she offered, I would have seen a lot more of her.
But along with me and Ming, Ellie was on the Disability Justice team here in the community where we live. And she was at my birthday party last year and gave me a beautiful small Japanese vase. Actually maybe it’s a vessel for drinking sake.
And a rainbow trans totebag that Ming and I get many warm comments on.
rich past
Long ago Ellie knew psychonaut Terence McKenna and interviewed him… Unfortunately, because of a professional mishap, the interview was never published. I urged Ellie to publish the interview as a zine decades after the fact; she told me the contents of the interview, and it sounded important. I offered to help, but we didn’t follow through.
In conversation on my porch, Ellie told me about coming out transgender as a middle aged to elder person, and concerns about surgery related to age and long waiting lists.
Since then I’ve heard other trans elders speak about “dying in the right body” and what kinds of surgery are worth it. These topics are important and break my heart.
Also Ellie told me about her years living in community as an American Sikh. It sounded intense. She had a thing for Ram Das and encouraged me to listen to his talks.
Ellie is the only person who ever offered to buy me an accordion upon our first meeting. She had a lot of love in her heart, and we were kin. I’m honored that she kissed my cheek on her birthday, soon before or after that photo of us was taken.
love
My heart is broken that Ellie is now a transcestor. I will hold her close during the 40 days after her death and find ways to honor her. Please let me know if you have any ideas.
Photo of Oliver and flute by Ellie.
7 replies on “Ellie”
I appreciate your recollection of her. She was a fierce advocate of disability justice. She was also a Board member of our village here, persecuted. That was my connection with her. I will miss her.
I also appreciate your memories of Ellie. I was on the Board with her and had many meaningful conversations and interactions. I will miss her greatly and am so glad Oliver will still be with us.
Patti, I’m so glad you had many meaningful conversations and interactions with Ellie. I’m glad we love her and can continue to love her together.
yes, sweetheart. thank you for serving on the board with her. I love you.
Thank you for posting this. That is a lovely photo of the two of you, it’s perfect because she wore that shirt often. Seeing her face supports my own process of grieving and letting go. I had heard that she passed and it will take me a while to get used to that . . . She had a really big heart and was so filled with life!
gmorning, Kavana. thank you for commenting. yes, Ellie was amazing, and it’s hard for me to understand she’s no longer living. she was such a part of this place!
Hello Everyone, losing Ellie is like losing a big sister. Ellie, Caspian and I were a “3-legged stool.” To have 2 of those legs kicked out from under me in a week toppled me. How can I stand up to the world without my 2 friends?
We are having a memorial for Ellie on January 10 in the afternoon at the UU church in Eugene. We’ll have live shakuhachi flute players who want to honor Ellie, including Kiku Day, one of the best in the world. It will be amazing.
I am starting a “repository” on YouTube for the musicians and friends around the world who want to leave a musical or spoken message for her. You can upload your video here: https://www.youtube.com/@ElizabethS-DMoran