preview final message

Hey, reader. How are you doing? Last post I was talking about that internal memo googledoc of what I want done with my stuff when I die. And now I want to write the statement to be released at the time of my death as a final message.

Yes! But why wait? I intend to be alive for a minute–around 35 more years, if the planet is habitable for that long. Yet here is my final message hopefully quite early.

Please don’t think I’m too macabre. Maybe by showing you my plans in death, this final message will help you understand me better in life.

Note: I am probably quite alive, if you read this post in November of 2025. This is the sneak peek, pre-release, advanced reader copy, galley proof. Or it’s a first draft.

Maybe I could write a new version every year. Please forgive me if it’s uncomfortable conceptually.

Ok, let the final message begin.

apology

First of all, I’m sorry. It must be quite a shock that I am no longer your buddy of life. It was fun, to be an embodied being with you. I bet we shared some delicious foods, sunshine moments, crazed laughter, and tender hugs.

But now I am your ancestor, and that gives me a whole other dimension, in another dimension. True you cannot snuggle me as a living person anymore, and conversation becomes more difficult. But you can talk to me whenever you want now, pray to me, and I can protect you however you like, from my special spot on the other side.

I’m sorry I couldn’t travel on earth with you for longer, and I’m sorry if you wanted a kiss you never got. Hopefully you asked for what you wanted, and we did consent fairly. Thank you for loving me, however we loved. You were appreciated.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, write more, make more art, or create more cultural change. Hopefully my websites will be up for a while, and there’s always the wayback machine. You can read my zines for as long as you want.

My heart is with you, and my blessings are always with you.

plans

I’m planning to hang out in the bardo for 40 days. Please honor me during that time and support Ming and our chosen family member. Please light a candle for me, and thank Mother God for my life.

Cry all you want– take some time off work if you can. Take extra baths. Drink tea. You are grieving– that’s sacred. You deserve pleasure and rest.

If you want, you can listen to my singing. Also please listen to Gangta’s Paradise by Coolio, and my favorite Patricia Taxxon song “Bocce.” Please shake your ass with great enthusiasm. Don’t let your grief get stuck.

 

If you have money, please consider giving some to Ming as they pay for things like cremation, death certificates, and unplanned expenses as their life shifts.

If you feel called to donate to orgs, please consider the religious orgs that deeply nourished me / kept me alive. I mean the Vedanta Society of Sacramento, the Sekhmet Temple in Cactus Springs, Nevada, and the Wolf Creek Radical Faeries.

shakti

Then when 40 days have passed, I will be off– like a kite whose string is cut. I’m not planning to return here, though I do love the earth. Probably I will go elsewhere to the red cloud of Shakti energy which is like a red star to be with my mom and her mom. We will churn primordial energy and keep Life going.

But if you ever need me, just call to me, and I will differentiate for you and listen to you. If you know how to journey, I will be happy to advise you whenever you want.

Please don’t worry about bothering me. Time is different for the dead, and I’ll be happy to hear from you. Usually my mom tells me she’s proud of me and I’m doing so good. So probably I will say things like that to you.

If you don’t know how to journey, you can ask questions when you pull tarot cards like, “What would Strawberry want for me in this situation?” or, “How can I honor Strawberry?”

my request of you

Please work for justice in whatever ways make sense for your skills and disposition. You know I liked to organize radical mental health, help transqueer fat disabled people dance together, speak up for autistic liberation, and cook dumpstered delicacies for Food Not Bombs.

Also I dreamed of a creating a disability justice-centered intersectional transqueer, anarchist, anti-racist, all ages, fat friendly, creative community Strong Chair or Strong Chair No Stair. Never made that, although Ming and I kindled some powerful gender anarchy in our home.

Also I dreamed of an Aftercare Collective complete with fancy menus–I tried creating yet never succeeded at that.

The non-profit I wanted to make to train dental offices how to do trauma-informed dentistry for assault survivors? Didn’t do that one. The non-profit I wanted to make to train assisted living facilities on sexuality as a human right and how to facilitate sexual freedom for their residents? Nope, didn’t do that one either.

Please get grants and do those things. Please bring justice to the suffering ones who need it.

Overall I was trying to help create a functional culture where love is more important than money, and community keeps us safe. Post-cop, post-prison, post-war…. Smart about needs, with no one slipping through the cracks. I was trying to engage in some garden-based, nature-based, pleasure-based justice bliss. Please take my dreams and run with them.

thank you

Also please enjoy having a body, and love one another. Thank you for considering.

I love you from wherever I am– you can’t escape my love. When the sun shines on you, I will be there.

Please don’t give up on your dreams. Please treat others with respect and compassion.

Remember how the gifts you hold were handed to you by your ancestors, transcestors, and art ancestors. Please feel the joyful responsibility of using them for the benefit of all beings on earth.