new

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  I wrote a prayer I’m praying every day.  I made a new desktop collage, something like a vision board, so I see it every day.

On the left it has the fat folks tarot card that inspired my dream to embody Emperor energy.  The ram has a serious look.  The starry purple of the Emperor’s scarf charms me.

Yes, I now have boundaries, know my worth, feel safe by default, and I’m large and in charge–at least in charge of myself.

It’s a big shift away from over-giving with creative Empress energy, which I did for years–my whole life before this.  I gave what I didn’t have and lived depleted.  That’s not a good idea, to invite people to vampire on you.  I really thought that was love–I had bad examples from childhood.  I hope you had better examples, reader.

Yes, I’m praying this prayer every day until I don’t need to anymore.

solstice

Solstice I decided I didn’t need to cultivate Emperor energy anymore.  I thought I peaked–I decided to relax on the long slide toward winter.

Wow, how wrong I was.  In new relationships especially, I realized I was over-giving again, handing over resources including my power, letting the other person define my role.

So what’ll it be, Laura-Marie?  Am I a pair of tits to feed the world with until I’m dead?  Sometimes I’ve mentioned–there’s not enough peanut butter in the world to replenish the calories I expend nurturing emotionally / spiritually hungry people who may or may not nurture back.

Many put a price tag on their healing work and build an empire.  Because I don’t charge for what I do, I’m seen as less valuable and easy to use.  In the context of capitalism, my worth is illegible.  That’s partly why I seek anarchists–at least there’s a chance they’ll understand my life which isn’t about amassing property.

Often we’re attracted to people who can do what we can’t.  I’m autistic, traumatized, and crazy, but I can do so much with relationships and words.  Low skills takers are drawn to my caring vibe, and it often goes downhill from there.

We need new ways of being.  Please build another world with me.

new prayer

Here’s the text of my prayer.  It’s open source spirituality.  Feel free to pray it also or similar.

I love the person I’ve been: perceptive and caring Empress, with nurturing, healing energy.

Today I embody Emperor energy. I’m wealthy–I’m large. I’m rich with ideas and knowledge.

I’m creative with art, words, and truth. I know my worth and set boundaries, dark purple.

Others need to ask for my attention and come to me. I don’t pre-offer myself.

I protect my resources and energetic sovereignty. I love everyone, love myself.

I give resources I don’t need, in ways that make sense for me–not at my expense.

I’m not a leaky bucket–I’m a strong, whole bucket. I keep my leaves and energy.

I exist as a good example and beacon of love. I exist for myself. I learn, using my gifts.

I’m connected and sought after in community, generous but self-contained.

I value myself securely and don’t need other people’s support to feel safe. I’m safe.