proverbs

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  There’s a Bible verse I like–it’s in Proverbs.  I remember it from when I was a kid.  Recently I read it because a community member where Ming and I live has the Proverbs verse as her email sig file.

“I really like this Bible verse,” I told Ming and recited to Ming a version I memorized as a child.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.

intuition

If I read it as a patriarchal religion concept where God is a man and he’s better than us, so we should do what he says, I hate it.  But then I grew up.

I feel it nowadays as about intuition.  My intuition is a form of God, and it’s not a dude.  Intuition is how I access the truth.  Truth, intuition, and God are all mixed together for me.

Trusting my intuition is important because it’s speaking from a deep place– that clear, slow moving water place.  It has no language, but I take its feelings and concepts and try clothing them with language.  My intuition is about trust.  I have to trust it or else I don’t know what to do.

My intuition is God, but it’s also the real me.  I like that, as I’m pantheist or non-dual.  The clear, slow moving water is what I’m looking for, whatever we call it.

What gets in between me and my intuition?

• fear
• second-guessing myself based on the pressure of culture
• addiction reward pathway mistakes

Addiction is when I make a mistake and chase a high rather than listening to what’s actually important long term.  Usually I have stellar impulse control.  But occasionally in relationship, I ignore my intuition and briefly run on rabbit instincts, which doesn’t lead to good outcomes.

• others’ judgments
• dissociation

Being happy is the same as being in a good mentality for hearing my intuition.  Yes, when I’m losing my mind or my mood is taking a dive, trust in my intuition breaks down.

Or it can go the other direction–something happens that makes me doubt my intuition, and I lose my grip–I lose my health.  It feels like my life is falling apart.

religion

“I’m a very religious person,” I mentioned to my new sweetheart.

“What religion?” ze asked.

“My religion is love,” I said.

I laughed because it’s a cliche, but it’s true.  Then I explained I was raised Christian, went pagan, did a sect of Hinduism for 25 years, go to shul with Ming, and helped run an interfaith anti-nuclear peace org.  It’s a lot of background.

But if you’re trying to figure me out, it could help to know that God hunger motives me.  God is everywhere–I don’t make up the rules.  She’s electrifying everything.  Give me another taste–in Proverbs, in nature, in pleasure.  I’m licking up crumbs and swallowing her whole.  God and my ancestors instructed me to tell the truth, and I’m telling it.

bun

Today I was begging Bunny to tell me what to do with my life.  She just laughed.  She says, “You’re doing it!”