physical pain

Hello, reader.  How’ve you been?  I’ve been thinking about physical pain.  It’s part of life– some lives more than others.

I hate physical therapy.  Drugs can help.  But drug policy in the US is racist, broken, and violent.  I’m sorry we don’t have just ways of helping people, and healthcare is turned on its head.

Recently I learned about an org called the National Pain Advocacy Center.  I’m not sure what all they do, but they seem disability justice-centered, which I love.

I’m an anarchist.  It’s my strongly held value that we shouldn’t protect people from ourselves.  I mean that we should treat adults as free– free to choose our own level of risk with opioids and other drugs.

But what I think matters zero.  The mega money of the medical industry wins.  So how do I deal with my own physical pain?

prevention

Massage, rest, paying close attention to what causes my pain and trying other things.  Ming dry brushes my legs every day to help my lymph flow.  I avoid stairs and take the ramp, even when the ramp means I have to go out of my way.

I try to tell the truth to friends about what hurts and get a chair when I need one.  Telling the truth and asking for help can be hard, but I’m worth it.

Ankle compression is mixed.  I enjoy keeping my inflammation as low as I can.  I can affect that by brushing my teeth religiously, eating foods that agree with me, and doing what I can to reduce my stress.

extreme state

I take tylenol when pain is interfering with my sleep.  There’s a low grade pain that wears me down and makes me treat the people I love such as Ming with less kindness.   I’m sorry I can’t be as gentle as I want to be.  Thank you for forgiving me so far.

Pain is worse when fear gets mixed in.  I accept pain more when I think it’s for a good reason.

Some pain is so intense, it becomes white light searing me.  I feel BBQed by the divine.  That remarkable pain I treat as a spiritual experience.  I ride it like a wave of death.  It’s my death preview.  I breathe, relax as I can, and let myself feel it.  I go deep as it obliterates me.

Being in that much pain is an extreme state.  You know I’m crazy, so extreme states are part of life for me.  I thank God for the extreme state, and I remember that pain is part of the animal experience and the human experience.  My ancestors felt astounding, soul-rending pain.  Yes, I belong at the table of life.

I learn pain’s lessons which I take with me when I return to regular life.

• how strong I am
• what the body can endure
• what the white light is made of
• who I really am
• why I have a body

I thank God that I only visit that complete pain place.  Some people live there, right?  That’s what hard drugs, emergency room visits, and suicide are for.

specific

“What the hell is hurting Laura-Marie?” you may be asking.

The leg pain is related to lymph, hypermobile joints, and who knows what else.  I have some differences!  Also the neck and shoulder pain is a muscle issue which I guess is also related to the hypermobile joint problems which affect everything.

Also I hold my body weird, which is an autism thing.  I try to move and stim as much as I want to, which helps.

Otherwise the pinched nerve can bother me and flare to the point that I can’t sleep.

That transcendent white light is related to my menstrual cycle.  I suspect there are big problems in my reproductive parts.  I have so many health problems and can only do so much due to the medical system’s deep disrespect of fat bodies and disrespect of crazy people such as myself.

questions for discussion

What’s the worst physical pain you ever felt?

How do you handle pain over all?

Have you been told you have a high or low pain tolerance?

What are your go to remedies and comforts?

Is pain part of what disables you?

What are the main spiritual experiences of your life?

How do you stay kind when pain is wearing you down?

Do you have a plan for more pain in your life as you get older?