Hello, reader–how are you doing? Do you know how to pull away in relationship? It’s a skill.
Especially in love, I tend to be all or nothing. Moderation is not my gift. So as an adult, I’m learning how to pull away when I get too close, give too much, and commit in ways that don’t make sense.
When I do what comes naturally, I look up one day and realize I’m over-giving. Oops! So I need ways to bring relationships back into balance.
I need my personal power back. My loved ones deserve to be free, and so do I. It’s not emotionally safe for me to have lopsided relationships. It stresses me the fuck out.
As I work on my Emperor energy, I’m finding my own version of appropriate. It’s important for me to know how to pull away.
An intention is not a plan. So even though I intend to do less and invest less, I slip into the previous relationship. But thank Mother God I’m always learning. Here is my list of how to pull away. I circle three things to focus on and have at it.
how to pull away
- text less
- invite less
- diversify– there’s a whole world of people and things to do, biomes to explore, art to make
- see the bird’s eye view
- don’t make plans
- stop feeding them– it’s hard to stop feeding people, but it’s like cats
- divorce ritual
- soul retrieval
- remove symbols of your relationship
- ask ancestors for help– they want to help
- visualize
- distraction
- break patterns
- go away on a trip
- become less easy– speak up when something hurts, assert needs, set boundaries
- stop giving them presents
- less touch
- say more no
- do something self-nourishing every day
- limit time spent thinking about them
- ask Mother God for friends who are more compatible
- find safety in myself
safety
In my close relationships, I’m looking for fun, pleasure, shared learning, and to be close to the Mystery. A person is a whole world. I love exploring the rich landscape of another being. What an honor it is to love.
But depending on what’s going on in my life, I’m also looking for safety. When Ming and I finally landed in community after spending four months homeless is 2022, I was traumatized. In all of my relationships, I was grasping for home.
That was a hard time. I made it harder by looking for love in silly places where no love was to be found. I’m sorry I put myself and Ming through that. What a waste of energy.
prayer
Dear Mother God, please help me co-create balanced relationships. Please help me give an amount that doesn’t deplete me, and be as kind and true to myself as I am to other people. Please help me stay appropriate to my responsibilities, not overestimating what I owe, or underestimating.
When I’m planning how to pull away, please help me be fair and skillful.
Thank you for all the love in my life, especially Ming who is there every step of the way, my mom who continues to love and support me from the other side, close friends who cheer me on, and the love of Parent Earth who is always there for me, right under my feet.
You are a force of justice so strong. I know I can bring myself into alignment with you. Please bless me and Ming in community, in our home, as we travel, in our creative lives, as we sleep, all our bodily systems, and in how we spend our resources, including time, attention, and energy.
Please bless our freedom, and bless our commitments– intentionally chosen and right-sized in the context of our lives.
Thank you for every day we’re blessed with life to keep doing what we’re on earth to do with pleasure and joy. We love you always. Please give us faith and a sense of purpose as we go about making mischief.
