“Are you carrying too much burden?” I asked my dear one.
I made a mistake at the tea shop–I ordered my boba tea without specifying non-dairy milk. So I gave my drink to my dear one who can have dairy. They were carrying two boba drinks as we walked back to my car.
As usual we walked with our arms linked, and I was concerned it was hard to do that with both their drink and the boba drink that had been mine.
“No, I’m carrying no burden at all,” they said.
“Nice,” I said.
“Are you carrying a burden?” they asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I really am.”
“What’s your burden?” they asked.
“Fear,” I said.
We moved through downtown. It was a little bit cold. We had just cried by the river.
“What’s your fear about?” they asked
“Death,” I said.
“Well,” they said. “That’s a hard one.”
“Yeah, it is a hard one,” I said.
“Because you can’t do anything about that one,” they said.
“Well,” I said. “I do a lot about it. I prepare, like that googledoc where I told you and Ming what to do with my stuff when I die. And I pray–I ask my mom for help. I ask my ancestors for help.”
My dear one knew what I meant. We can’t stop death, but we can work on the emotions around it and make logistics easier for the people we love.
questions for discussion
- What burden do you carry?
- How do you prepare for death?
- When you order food or drink, do you often forget critical details necessary for your health?
- What do you ask your ancestors for help with?
- How do you deal with fear?
- Manage fear?
- Tend your fear?
- Feel your fear?
new zine
I have a new zine, functionally ill 32. This is the small last poem in the zine. It partly came from a dream.
forest
eat this with the red pearl
I have enchanted.
anyone can have wisdom,
but some people keep their wisdom
in a different forest.
