polyamory

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  Are you a monogamous person?  I see content on a social media website about polyamory.  People tell their dramatic relationship story for feedback.  It can stimulate a lot of thought, to ponder what I would do and read the comments.

Usually I’m silent, but this morning I read someone’s story and looked at comments.  No one had already said quite what I wanted to say.  The “am I the asshole?” advice asking format is common but awkward.

I don’t want to be a person who defaults to “just break up with him.”  But often that’s what it comes down to.  Someone has suffered for years trying to make a relationship work at their expense.  So they want the opinions of others to help them gather strength to break free.

Listening to the quiet voice inside is work.  It’s easier to ask hundreds of strangers.

How do you like to make big decisions?  I talk to Ming and trusted friends and my therapist, pull tarot cards, pray, then take a leap.

rules and norms

Here’s what I told the hurting polyam person, if you would like to see.

The rules and norms of polyamory are never a reason to ignore what you need.  What you need matters.  When in doubt over whether you’re doing polyamory “correctly,” err on the side of yourself.  If someone is seriously hurting you, you deserve a better life whether or not you’re officially justified according to other people.

It’s so much work to un-nest.  But you deserve respect, consideration, honesty, and to have a happy, stable life.  Polyamory isn’t about doing it according to vague rules that are floating around out there.  Polyamory can be a way to have more relationships.  But ultimately your needs and well-being are yours and your responsibility.  You matter.

It’s kind that you care about whether you’re being fair.  But your nesting partner is not being fair, and that seems obvious.  Good wishes as you sort out how to respond to bad behavior.  It’s not just a misunderstanding if deceit is involved.

leap

Speaking of listening to the quiet voice inside then taking a leap….  The other day I bought a used Prius from an elder down the road.  I bought it because I need my own space.  It seemed like a better deal than buying a big van with poor gas mileage.

On craigslist for free, I got a foam pad someone had cut to size for a Prius.  So I’m working on making it great to rest in and sleep in for camping.  I bought a sunshade for the front made specifically for a 2006 Prius.  I want to buy black dollar store poster board and black duct tape to make coverings for the other windows.

Partly it’s about horrible PMS.  Every month I long for a cabin in the woods to retreat to because I’m extraordinarily irritable.  To be kind to Ming and preserve our relationship, I need alone time.  I hope the Prius will be my cabin on wheels.  I’ll drive to the woods to rest, sing, and read in the bed.

Friends have asked for pix, but it’s not dramatic to look at.  I decided to forego bumper stickers to keep it stealth.  The joy is how it represents freedom.  Please imagine a 2006 silver Prius.  Please imagine me being honest and staying open to change.

ps

Is this picture too racy for this blog?  I’m open for comments.  One of my favorite trans instagrammers selfies at this angle, so I tried it out.  Maybe it’s too cool for school.

I like the fat creases on my upper arm like I’m a sweet baby.  I like how even trying for thirst, I’m so cheerfully wholesome.