Hello, reader. How are you doing? Trying to be responsible, I’m seeking medical care and dental care. I’m trying a new Nurse Practitioner after a bad experience with the last one. Today I’m thinking about what I need from a doctor.
I’ve had decades of medical trauma. Previously I’d preferred to be shot, over going into the disrespectful, incompetent prison of a hospital. Many of you have heard how I changed my tune when I actually was dying from a stomach ulcer bleed. Six years ago, I survived my first adult stay in a hospital, going home anemic and very weak but alive, having had my fears about hospitals confirmed.
Let me write you a listicle about what I need from a doctor, Nurse Practitioner, or other medical provider.
respect
Respect is a two way street. I’m an observant, insightful person and know a lot about myself and my past. I need a doctor to engage me as competent.
Most doctors spend no time getting to know me as a patient, and they talk to me at a fourth grade reading level. Is it my fatness? Do I just have a vapid appearance? My actual goals, needs, and spirit are irrelevant.
Being ignored in favor of my blood test numbers is painful but also leads to problems. Seeing a person as a person is basic respect; we all deserve that, no less.
curiosity
Doctors are paid a lot of money, and I’m frustrated when they lack curiosity. Their job is part detective, so I wish they were interested in the actual causes of my health issues–not just what they’re familiar with and what’s statistically likely. The way they jump to conclusions and make assumptions about my life is terrible.
Almost all the doctors I’ve ever visited go with the most common reason for an issue and make me re-try what I’ve already been through. They don’t believe me when I say, “I already did that one.” They don’t care that there’s a fact that makes the situation different. To them I’m not an individual to learn about–I’m a pain in the ass. If I ask questions or offer more info, I’m treated like a pain in the ass.
I wish my need to participate in my own health made me an ideal patient, not a headache to them. I’m not going to hand over my power. I wish more patients held onto their power because if that bravery was more common, maybe doctors wouldn’t seem shocked and attacked that I need to maintain agency over my health. My health is my life.
consent
Consent skills should be widespread. What I need from a doctor is basic. Consent should be everywhere.
Doctors need to check in before touching, communicate about how something might feel, how long it will take, are we halfway through or almost done. I need info so I know what’s going on, to reduce my anxiety. Also more info helps justify the discomfort. My body is mine.
A power differential doesn’t give anyone a right to touch me without my consent, especially in ways that might hurt or scare me.
understanding of feelings and trauma
Not saying they need full on training in trauma informed care and to tailor everything they do. Just asking doctors to have a basic understanding of how feelings work: feelings aren’t weakness.
Doctors need to know what sensory needs are, and how not to further damage someone who’s suffering.
Doctors tend to see themselves as heroes, not people who harm patients all the time. They’re in denial about how many people have medical trauma and how they perpetuate the problem.
understanding of body diversity
Many people are fat. That’s not an error–it’s real life. Bodies vary. Get used to it!
Most doctors don’t like fat people and shame us. They use our fatness to get out of providing competent care.
Fat people are treated extra poorly in medical environments, and that’s why many of us stop seeking medical care. Doctors are horrible to fat people, and it doesn’t have to be that way.
Disability is similar. Doctors want an abled, white man to present with a standard problem that has a specific, clear solution that’s easily implemented. Disabled people are seen as complicated, messy, and too much. Often we’re doubted, shamed, ignored, and jerked around about our own bodily experiences (including horrific pain) until we die.
The eugenics of believing in the hierarchy of an ideal body and trying to get all patients toward that ideal is so creepy. Doctors need to step into reality and care for the patients we are, not the patients they think we should be. What I need from a doctor is for them to dwell in reality.
fair access to medication
You know that thing some doctors do where they’re stingy with prescription refills in an attempt to make the patient come back within a certain timeframe? It’s manipulative and infantilizing.
If I need to delay an appointment, I have a reason for that. Travel, conflicting plans, lack of funds, transportation struggles… Putting me on medication that my body needs, then denying me access to it, is something like torture.
systemic fuckedness
The system is fucked. There are some big problems that cause that.
- capitalism
- the scam that is insurance
- misogyny
- racism
- eugenics
- ableism
But some issues are within the realm of what doctors could change by admitting what they’re doing and making a better choice. Power hierarchy in a doctor’s office hurts patients, and it doesn’t need to be that way. Care, emotional intelligence, consent skills, and basic respect would go a long way.