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Dangerous Compassions

period from hell

Laura-Marie

Hello, reader.  Are you menstruating?  How are you doing?  I’m having the period from hell.  So drained.  Zero stars, would not menstruate again.

You know, I’ve been having my period (off and on) since I was ten years old.  That’s 38 years.  Can I be done now?

In a way I’m afraid of menopause.  I’m afraid of losing parts of who I am.  What if I lose my sex drive?  Living on the powerful hormonal cycle is familiar to me.  Who will I be, without that cycle of release, pain and loss, completion of release, build up, ovulation, settling in, anticipation of release, pain and loss, completion of release–over and over again?

Worrisome is that my period gets more difficult every month.  The pain and mess are one thing.  The emotional instability is another.  Yes, I’ve been losing my mind.  My health is so complicated that help with PMDD has never been considered.  We never get to page two of my concerns.  Doctors address a few lethal issues, and I’m otherwise on my own.

Whacked out moods are dangerous too–you and I know that.  But emotions are seen as weakness more than a health concern.  So I buck up and hope Ming stays patient.

menopause

No way am I going to have a baby.  So I see that it’s time to wrap up the reproduction equipment.  It would be fun to keep my blood for myself.  Anemia is exhausting.  It would be grand to put less energy into building up the uterine lining and destroying it every month.  Feels like a ton of work for nothing.

Thank you, uterus and cervix.  You’ve showed up so bravely, since I was a child.  Thank you, fallopian tubes.  You’ve never failed to impress me.  Ovaries, it’s somewhat over.  Vagina and vulva–I’ll always need you.  Urinary system, of course I will always need you. But the baby creating mechanisms, not so much.

Too bad our culture is in denial about death, disability, and changes like menopause.  We can do so much better at talking about reality.  Let’s start today.  Thank you for making a better world with me.

questions for discussion

Do you like menstruating?

What are the most important cycles in your life?

How do you face change?

What do you do to survive / endure a period from hell?

Do you feel prepared for the transformations of age?

What aspects of reality do you wish were more discussed in our culture?

How would you redesign human bodies?

Is life pain?

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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