coming out as transgender

Hello, reader.  I’m ready to come out to you; I want you to know I’m transgender.  I am not a man.  Yet I’m not a woman.  I’m nonbinary gender; this is an important part of who I am.

I’ve mentioned being trans and having a queer trans spirituality in this blog.  But today I want to be very clear and come out to you entirely, without a doubt.

wrestling

I’ve spent decades wrestling with gender.  I finally cut my hair for the first time in March on the ten year anniversary of me and Ming’s wedding.  And I’ve been growing my facial hair.  I’d been wanting to cut my hair short since I was a teenager.

I don’t find costuming (including hairstyle or clothing) central to gender, but how other people see us affects our lives.  I feel happier and more comfortable with short hair and letting my facial hair grow.

Pronouns I use are she her, ki kin, and they them.  I don’t find gender in my pronouns, costuming, or body parts.  I find gender a Mystery, a source of oppression, a strange social construction to ride like a wave.  If I was a surfer, I’d say I’ve wiped out many times, uncomfortably surfing the wave of gender.

Gender is something to subvert, often an annoyance.  I need freedom.  To that end, I like playing with gender, gender queering, and modeling gender variance so the people I encounter can see that we have more choices than the binary.

I didn’t need to cut my hair or allow my facial hair to grow, to be nonbinary, but it’s fun.  Most people see my breasts and assume I’m a woman, but there are so many things to be.  I don’t need surgery or hormone replacement therapy at this point, but I’ll seek it if I need it.

respect

Ming has identified as nonbinary for many years, since before I knew him.  Though most people think of him as a man and refer to him as a man, Ming has they and he pronouns. 

I’m grateful to Ming and all my trans friends for helping me feel safe to be who I am.  Also grateful to Eugene, Oregon and the Pacific Northwest for being a place where gender exploration is more supported.

It’s possible that you think of gender differently.  Many think gender is about genital appearance, chromosomes, reproduction capabilities, or other physical traits.  My view of gender is about

• concepts
• the soul
• the heart
• how we feel inside
• social confines
• identity
• freedom
• breaking down binaries that trap many people

thank you

Thank you for respecting my nonbinary gender, even if you might hold a different worldview or have a different experience.  I’m not a woman, though you might think of me that way.  Please don’t call me a woman. 

I’m a miracle, a pleasure priestess, Divinity, an artist, a disabled person, an autistic person.  I’m queer, bisexual, pansexual, and fluid. 

I appreciate my time on Team Woman, and I remain in awe of many things associated with women.

• childbirth
• lactation
• menstrual cycles
• menopause
• the moon
• nurturing
• den mothering
• Empress energy
• goddess energy

But it’s not just women who have babies, and I’m actually not a woman. 

I love you, 

Laura-Marie

ps

These are some ways I’ve come out so far over the years.

1. bisexual
2. queer
3. crazy
4. disabled
5. autistic
6. might love more than one partner at a time
7. transgender nonbinary

Every time I’ve come out, it felt vulnerable and there was at least a little bit of risk.  Thank you for caring about me, all the ways I am.

pps

The picture is of me and a good friend in Portland, Oregon on Tuesday at Lan Su Chinese Garden.  The lotuses are blooming.