“Is it ok if I grab your breasts in public?” I asked Ming.
“Yes,” he said.
We were sitting on a bench in our community near the main garden. I was behind Ming, my tummy on his back, spooning him, holding onto his chest with my hands. My thighs gripped his butt.
“It’s ok because there’s an M on your drivers license?” I asked.
We giggled.
“Yes,” I continued. “M for masturbate. M for mammary.”
“Mmmmm,” Ming said.
“M for mmmmmm hmmmmmm,” I said.
love
I love Ming so much. Different ways of cuddle are great for me. I need a lot of touch in my life.
Cuddle in bed is wonderful, but I am physically disabled. That’s in addition to all the mental health and developmental differences that I cherish as gifts that make me myself–the brilliant horse goddess I am–and helpful to the world.
My joints are often having a hard time in bed. I want bed-cuddle, but my shoulders get smooshed, and there are pillows to wedge beneath me. But bench cuddle is great too–upright.
trauma
Does our community need more love? Love out in the open? There are not that many couples. In addition to homelessness trauma here, many of the residents also have relationship trauma.
- Who is partnered here?
- How happily?
- How do we decide who to trust?
- What skills do we have to be vulnerable with other people?
- Is relationship in community different from relationship on our own?
When Ming and I got married ten years ago, it was partly to ask for community blessing and support. Then when we got remarried in March of this year for our decade wedding anniversary, we got married in the backyard of our previous community, also asking for support and blessing on our relationship.
It takes a village to do anything. What is marrying for? If we just want to commit, we can do that in private.
gender
Ming is seen mostly as a man by other people– so be it. We might as well enjoy the perks. He is not a man. But if I’m allowed to grab his breasts in public, I will enjoy that.
Yesterday we got home from a quick trip to radical faeries land in southern Oregon. I grew my chin hair out partly as an experiment, partly for cred— my mustache is established.
There’s a sign on the bridge leaving the radical faeries land that starts, “You are now leaving faerie land– put your clothes back on.”
Yes, I love places with different rules from the usual restrictive ones. I cherish space with more freedom, where I can be more of who I am. The trip was life-changing, and one part was wearing less clothing than usual.
dance
At night, our new friend DJed in the barn. I was dancing wearing just a black skort on my lower half, and a harness on my upper body. It was new for me, to dance without a shirt on, and I loved how free I felt.
Ming danced with me, walked around the barn and folded a few towels clean out of the drier, danced with me more, then danced closely with me, touching my bare tummy as we swayed. He was not quite bold enough to grab my breasts. But I felt cherished and special– I felt wanted in that context.
I’m not sure our friends noticed our kissing and tenderness. But I’m fortunate that Ming loves me very much, not only in private, but for anyone to see.
Like getting married, speaking out queerly, holding hands, advocating for the needs for a disabled person, and other public displays of affection– how nourishing. I need private love but public love also. It helps me feel safe.
questions for discussion
How are you with nudity?
What do you like to grab?
How do you most like to express your freedom?
What types of liberation are you moving toward?
How much do you love your body?
Do you need queer spaces and to express previously hidden parts of you?
Do you struggle to feel safe?
What do you think weddings are for?
