Hello, reader. How are you doing? The other day when I was on that road trip with my good friend, we talked about how jewelry works.
Of course it could just be pretty or show some sparkle. It could express class, values, interests, or aesthetic. But my main thought about how jewelry works concerns energy.
ready
“Why are you putting your jewelry on?” my friend asked.
They always ask wonderful questions. We were on our road trip, and I was about to see two relatives who I love.
“Well, it’s kinda like what we were talking about before,” I said. “A way to get ready to face the world.”
We had been talking about putting our best foots forward. I mentioned how my mom would spend 20 minutes every morning putting on her makeup. It was an armor or force field. She knew she looked good, so she was ready to do what she needed to do.
love
“But also,” I continued. “I think it’s about energy.”
“Oh, so there’s energy if someone gives you jewelry?” my friend asked.
“Yeah, that’s true! Especially if they wore it,” I said. “But I was thinking– when I wear jewelry, it takes up some of the energy from me and what I’m doing. And then it slowly leaks it out afterward, over time. So when I’m seeing my relatives, their love might go into the jewelry I’m wearing, which would be great. And then afterward the love would slowly leak out on me.”
“Ok!” my friend said.
“Yeah, I think that’s how jewelry works,” I said. “But hmm. I might have just made that up. It’s intuitive.”
Yes, the love slowly coming out sounds like a blessing. Is that similar to what you think about how jewelry works, reader?
chart
My friend had her chart read by a famous astrologer. I liked her reading so much (she shared the video with me) that I got my own chart read also. It felt great to hear what the astrologer said because she talked about many of my lifelong struggles.
Sort of like getting a diagnosis, the validation is powerful. I think, “Oh yeah, I’m not just a fuckup– this is an actual issue.”
Feels more inevitable and less shame. So many people told me I just “didn’t work hard enough.”
One of the facts the astrologer mentioned is how many, many people would misread me as unintelligent. Yes, it’s true. Some look on the bright side and say that’s good, as I can fly under the radar.
I feel more like it’s terribly sad, as being smart is the only award I could win from culture, and even though I am smart, it’s missed. Partly because of my non-threatening, wholesome performance, I’m the opposite of a pretentious white guy. The tits distract.
poem
Relevantly, this is a poem I wrote about how jewelry works. Or about how I don’t understand basic things, because I traded that for understanding strange things.
how I destroy what I most love
I have a telescope that helps me see
really far and predict the future.
I also have a magnifying glass
that helps me examine the hairy,
pollen-powdered legs of bees.
The middle distance where things
actually should be perceived
day to day is missing.
We could blame autism,
or a problem with my eyesight.
I destroy what I most love by
toasting it in the slow cooker of my mind
for months.
I open it up hoping to eat delicious
blackened garlic and instead find
I wasted electricity on mishandled mush.
I cook everything too much
because I don’t understand basic concepts
like money or time.
But I’m sure that dealing with the parents
of people I love is not worth it.
My own parents still trouble me
from the other side.
I’m feeding someone green beans out of my curry,
but I’m not kissing her or getting paid
to keep her alive while
Ming does her laundry.
I mean that I destroy what I most love
because I can’t leave well enough alone:
I poke the problem
until it unrolls.
I need a dose of truth so high
it gets toxic; then radiation hits
everything we were trying to accomplish.
I walk away slapping the dust off my hands
and write poems about it for years.
I drop a lot of bombs for an interfaith
anti-nuclear activist.
I’m sorry I don’t understand
what’s obvious to others,
but I hoped you liked me this way.
Of course I traded that skill
with a witch in the forest
for the skill of how to understand
what no one else understands,
like how jewelry works.
But who would believe me.