happy anniversary

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  It was me and Ming’s happy anniversary again in spring.

Can you believe we made it to 12 years together, ten years married?  I wonder what percent of people who marry make it that long.  I think we deserve an award, and the award is one another.

The community where Ming and I live now has few couples.  I think it’s because the income bracket that everyone who lives here is a housing insecurity income bracket.  I’m guessing that most of the people here have been homeless recently.

stress

Being homeless is probably the most stressful thing Ming and I ever did together.  I’m guessing most couples who become homeless are no longer a couple when they’re done.

“People turn on each other,” I explained to Ming.  “Relationships are so hard, even being housed and having what we need.  Adding that much stress is ridiculous.”

“We didn’t turn on each other,” Ming said.

“No.  But do you remember being in a parking lot in Eastern Washington where I was out of my mind and losing my shit?” I asked.  “If I had jumped out and ran like I wanted to, you might not even know where I am right now.  I might not be alive!”

It’s not a good memory.  But yes, Ming remembered.

“I think most people in relationships don’t even like each other that much,” I said.

They did at the beginning.  Then kids, housing, shared projects, religion, or shame can keep people together.  Or inertia.

Emotional skills are rare, and life is hard  Life without housing is so much harder.

Most homeless people are disabled.  We need stability and safe places to be more than anyone.

statistics

I tried to look up stats on what percentage of relationships end due to homelessness, and I couldn’t find anything.  Mostly I saw articles on how breakups lead to homelessness, so the other direction with cause and effect.

Also I saw articles about homelessness and substance abuse, domestic violence, imprisonment, and “mental illness.”  Anyone who’s been that shit on by their culture would probably develop a “mental illness” if they didn’t have one already, from being homeless.

It’s a trip to feel the gap between the haves and have nots that viscerally.

questions for discussion

Now it’s summer.  I hope Ming and I have more decades together.

Thank you for supporting me and Ming’s mini-fam with your prayers and with your friendship.  It takes a village to raise a child, to keep a partnership thriving, to do our life’s work, to protect Parent Earth.

Let’s admit it takes a village to do just about everything.

• How do you like to celebrate a happy anniversary?
• Do you have the relationships you need?  Are you lacking in any relationship category?
• How safe do you feel in your housing?
• When you’ve been homeless, how did that affect your relationships?
• What’s your favorite piece of relationship advice?
• How do you decide who to let in all the way?
• How do you keep your longterm relationships happy?