Hello, reader. How’s it going? A lot of people struggle with change–especially people with autism. Yes, people with autism have a reputation for seriously freaking out over the unexpected. But I’ve been thinking about why I love change.
ossification
Long ago when I first met Ming, he told me he didn’t want to ossify.
“What does ossify mean?” I asked.
Ming explained it means to become rigid like bone. Yes, sounds like a medical word. Stuck in your own ways–inflexible. Unable to adapt.
I remember feeling excited that Ming wanted to stay changeable. Yes, I share the desire, and together we’ve built on that. Our relationship has many shared values. Being open to change, and supporting one another through change, are two important ones.
Probably that’s a big part of why we’re so happy together, 12 years after partnering. Change is welcome and wanted. Sort of like the succession idea in permaculture–change is expected, and we can account for it. It’s a strength, not a surprising problem.
change is life
I remember learning a long time ago about plants that a plant that’s staying the same might be dead or on its way to dying. Also I heard of “failure to thrive” in children. A child–like any age of person–should stay in flux.
Even singing a long note, we usually would not keep it steady. A note wants to go somewhere, so we might start quiet, get louder in the middle, and taper off. The note wants to move. Soaring, swelling–change in a long note can be dramatic and stir emotion.
Change is life. All living things are in flux. The only way to be perfect is to be dead.
I remember as a young person watching a family member I loved struggle with perfectionism. She made herself miserable my harshing on herself.
I vowed not to be like that. Perfect isn’t real. I want to be creative in all aspects of life. Creative means taking risks and failing often. I dedicate my life to change.
zines
Zine making is an example. I’ve been making zines for 34 years. If I waited for a zine to be perfect, I never would have made my first zine. Accepting error, mistakes, and roughness is liberating. I’d rather put out many imperfect zines than keep a draft in my closet, never considering it good enough.
Maybe people see my flawed, quirky zines and feel more free to make their own. I hope so.
Perfection is music is boring. There are many perfectly produced pieces. I like mistakes because they add personality. Many people could do a perfect performance of a Bach piece or Schubert or Mozart, but I would rather hear a bad performance.
Or like Richter’s mistake at the beginning of Pictures at an Exhibition (Sofia recital) or Glenn Gould humming along with his piano playing. The error is treasured.
why I love change
The biggest reason why I love change is it’s an opportunity to learn. I have faith that Mother God is holding me, and I’m here on earth to learn and grow.
Change is my destiny, and even when it scares me, I’m going to love it. True I can get kerfuffled when I was psyched out for a certain event or situation or place, and plans shift. Often if there’s a sense of injustice, I might freak out from a change in plans.
Moving is really, really hard also. Moving to a new town is the hardest. Even within the same town, that uprooting is destabilizing.
But I’m here on earth to do that work. I might have a panic attack or two. But bring it.
My wish is that I get more and more pregnant with truth, with all I’ve learned. Then I have more dots to connect, and more to share with you, reader.
bun
Even Bunny changes. He gets slightly dirtier, his stuffing deflates a bit, and his color might fade. And he is a toy family member. He’s not even a living organism like you or me.
Thank you for accepting me and Ming as we change. We might as well enjoy change–it’s inevitable whether we want it or not.
“Why do you love change?” I asked Ming.
“Because I don’t want to find myself doing behaviors that don’t keep up with the current needs,” he said.
Yes, very succinct, dear. We don’t want to live in the past or maladapt. There’s some autistic cliches of being rule-based, uptight, and black & white thinking. Enjoying change means we can enjoy our neuroplasticity where we can.
