consent around germs

Hey, reader.  How you doing?  I asked Spirit how to care for my health, and she said to hermit.  Yeah, I should have remained alone.   I was social and caught germs; now I’m sick.  I was just sick in January.  Feels cruel to put my body through this work of illness.  I’d like more consent around germs.

norms

Half the people I love go to work for money, outside the home.  So then they get work germs.  Or they have kids, who play with other kids, and get kid germs.  So they have different vibes: They are more like–germs are an inevitable part of life.

Ming and I live in community, but these days we live in a big community of about 90 people, with 70 individual units.  So we have the option to avoid others’ germs somewhat.  We still go to stores sometimes, the farmers market, and events.  So we still could get random germs.

Still I would prefer different norms for consent around germs.  When a friend is coming over, they should let me know if they’re sick, if they’re just getting over something, have the sniffles, are having terrible allergies, or might be coming down with something.

disability

Our health is shared.  By that I mean we interdepend and care for one another.  But also, things are contagious.  Ming and I are both disabled, so we do a ton of work to care for ourselves already.  We struggle with low energy already; we struggle with taking care of the basics like keeping the dishes washed and laundry clean.  Adding illness makes our lives very difficult.

Safety nets are rare, and Ming is a street medic.  We both do radical mental health–we’re trying to provide for others.  But others don’t always provide for us.  How far will you go for a friend?  Most of our dear ones live far away.

I try asking for help in the form of prayers and check-ins.  Some people send money or ideas.  Occasionally someone does something huge like buy us a car.  Pretty amazing–thank you, car buyers.

But few people show up for actual hands on help like bringing food, helping clean, or touching my back when I’m out of my mind.  Thank you to those that help in any way.

germs

So yeah–if you’re not going to be there for me when I’m ailing, please don’t bring the germs.  I would prefer a world where help is everywhere.  But we didn’t make that world, for some reason, pretending needs are low and rare–pretending disability is rare, and pretending we can pay for the care we need.

Oops.  I’m disabled and need a lot of care.  That’s actually common.

I’m so grateful that Ming is there for me on a daily basis, as I am for him.  As we age and change, I hope we can keep each other well for as long as possible, until we die or need long term care in nursing homes as society collapses and climate explodes.  Sounds fun.  Yikes.

request

True anyone can be contagious at any time and not know it yet.  But there are ways we can increase our odds of staying well.

Please care for your friends, including your disabled friends, by being real about what’s going on for you healthwise.  I don’t want your cold, flu, stomach flu, RSV, or pandemic.  Please let me know what you have going on, and I’ll let you know what’s going on with me too.

Ming and I love Disabled Resilience Permaculture and want to live in strong communities of care.  We’re working on it.  Meanwhile, we can do it visit by visit.  Consent around germs is a way to love, and love is a skill we can strengthen.