Hello, reader friend. How are you doing? Here’s guidance when your kid is in the mental hospital.
My soul-nourishing loved one had friends in this position. So she asked me for my thoughts, and I had a lot of emotions as I answered her. Some of my ideas might sound defensive, because of my own experiences and how my family treated me during hard times. Thank you for giving me some wiggle room on my tone.
when your kid is in the mental hospital
My first thought for the family was: love your child unconditionally. She needs you, and she’s allowed to need you at least somewhat. Of course you need to set limits and care for yourself also. But please don’t punish her for being at a low.
Please don’t take it personally, that your kid has possibly messed up badly. A trip to the mental hospital is almost never neutral. The person might have done bad, might feel very bad, has been told they’re bad, and is being removed from society for a big reason. She doesn’t need you to make her feel worse.
It’s not about you. Leave your ego at the door–any door. Of course you’ve loved her for a long time and have invested a lot. So be it. Maybe she’s made choices you don’t like–of course, we all do things that might not make sense or look good from the outside.
Your kid’s issues are not a reflection on you. They don’t owe you success on your terms. They have their own road to travel, a hard road.
grief
Maybe one day your kid will have success in a way that the world recognizes. But it’s possible that they’ll always be confusing, to a world that looks for easy and predictable ways of being within a narrow range.
Maybe your kid will never work full time, have a conventional family, or act normal. But regular paths are overrated. With your love and support, your kid might be able to find her own way. That will be more valuable than anything.
But I’m sorry if you need to feel a lot of grief, as you let go of what you wanted for your kid. Good wishes as you find support and happy ways to nourish yourself and others.
perspective
Try a bird’s eye view for some perspective. How does this look to someone far away? Try a glacier view for time. A kind stranger view, an ancestor, a ghost. How about Parent Earth’s view, or the perspective of an ant? The perspective of a religious figure, or the sky.
If you changed this kid’s diapers, you might think you know them well. But sometimes in families, we lose sight of who we love. Or family members intentionally try to keep parts of themselves separate. So it’s great to remember that your view might be very limited, despite the intimacy of parenthood.
medications
Educate yourself on psych med side effects and withdrawal. These medicines are brutal and cause problems worse than what they’re trying to solve.
Please understand the possible motivations to live without meds. Wanting to dodge side effects makes sense. Wanting to make art, have energy and freedom, and be who we are isn’t dysfunction. Anyone who has enough fight left in them to resist chemical imprisonment and pharmaceutical poisoning has a good chance at survival.
I hope you’ll support your kid’s resistance to meds, not panic that she’s doomed. Many people are told we’ll be on powerful psych meds all our lives, and it’s not necessarily true.
Consider investing in help from someone who specializes in psych drug issues or harm reduction approaches. Chaya Grossberg helped me get off a bipolar cocktail by serving as a consultant when I needed the insight and support of an expert who’s been there. I’ll always be grateful to her.
healing
Please consider prayer, groundedness, and healing for yourself so you can love your child without blame.
Some family therapy with a guide who has lived experience could be nice. Not in a way where your kid will be shamed, but please kindle curiosity. The fresh perspective of a new person can help.
When your kid is in the mental hospital, I wish you the best getting help, balancing all the needs, knowing what narratives to trust, and doing what you need to do for your wellbeing and continued survival.
2 replies on “when your kid is in the mental hospital”
What a thoughtful, empathetic, and practical post. As a psychiatric survivor who was first hospitalized at age 15 for 3 months, this is very welcome reading. So grateful for folx like you, Laura-Marie, who continue to speak truth to power. Keep up the inspiring work.
thank you for enjoying what I write. thank you for your survival. I appreciate you commenting!!