Hello, reader. How are you doing? I want to tell you what I secretly do when Ming is not around. It’s so edgy! At night, when Ming is out and I’m home, which is very rare, I give myself a treat: I turn off all the lights. My treat is darkness.
seed
Do you like darkness? I think of Dark Mother and how the seed rests in the earth, holding its energy, waiting for its moment of warmth to sprout. That darkness can be nurturing and sacred. Dark in the womb, dark in the night.
Yes, I find night nurturing. Some years of my life, I’ve been terrified of ghosts. These days I have a better idea of how to speak to ghosts and be safe with them.
Also I have been afraid of monsters, cucuy, killer human beings. Those creatures like the darkness. But I can’t be too afraid–I have to live. Life is full of risks. It’s risky to stay home and hide too–I’m familiar with that one.
big cats
Mountain lions I was afraid of for two years, when I lived in Bishop, California. I didn’t want to go for walks by myself when I really needed too. Poor scared Laura-Marie of the past. I was in my late 20s, teaching on the res and at community college.
Fear of mountain lions differed in that I was afraid of them in the daytime. But how dark it would be, in the belly of a mountain lion. Or dark inside the belly of Jaguar, who later saved me.
fear
Not sure if Ming is afraid exactly. Narcolepsy is a disability that rules Ming’s life even more than I do. He wakes up from vivid dreams and nightmares, and having the light on helps him figure out where he is and come back to the regular world from dream world.
I’m happy to give that to him. So I don’t mean to complain about the lack of darkness. I would try negotiating more darkness if I needed it frequently.
There’s an Alan Stephens poem I love from when I was young that’s about family love, technology, and getting away from city lights? It’s called Father and Child and has the line “sleep in the natural dark.” It comes to mind often.
It can be found here, if you can find it. I used “control f” to search for sleep. Thank you to whoever put that book online.
questions for discussion
How afraid of the dark are you?
How are you kind to yourself?
Which poems come to your mind most often?
What treats do you enjoy, when your family is away and you have the place to yourself?
What are you favorite treats?
Who would you be without fear?
