Dangerous Compassions

four of cups

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  What cards are you pulling lately?  Sometimes when I ask Spirit what I need, I pull four of cups.  Then I’m like–what are you talking about, Spirit?  I need disappointment?

Yes, maybe I need to face that I’m not getting what I need.  Four of cups is about not being satisfied with what’s in front of you.  A restless, painful, I need something different card.

Not to the point of the five of cups, which is anguished-intense, like you have no choice but to walk away now.

four of cups energy

Sounds sad and counter-intuitive, but I’ve been thinking about four of cups: Yes, maybe I do need disappointment.  Being very different and strong in my emotions, disappointment is inevitable.  Trying to live in community with outlier values and needs is hard.  In a recent post, I talked about ethnicity, trauma, autism, epigenetics, and how I conceptualize having very different values, capacities, and needs.

I’m disabled and fat in an unjust, fat-shaming culture.  It’s ok, if four of cups disappointment is inevitable.

What if I let the tension between what I want and what I get, fuel me as energy?   I don’t need to go bitter or turn my disappointment to rage, like I see so many people around me.  Also I don’t need to anesthetize myself–I’m on earth to feel.  That’s one of my main gifts and tasks this lifetime.

I can be realistic.  What if my differences mean that disappointment is my birthright or my destiny?  Spirit might be telling me that, with the four of cups.  I need to feel my disappointment, rather than run from it or numb myself.


Like all feelings, there’s wisdom in disappointment.  My emotions aren’t random–they come forth for important reasons.  My feelings have something to teach me.

Audre Lorde said our emotions are reliable paths to truth.  But US culture is all about denying feelings.

That’s how violence is perpetuated.  Feelings are downplayed as unreliable and the enemy of logic.  But where has logic gotten us?  Toxic pollution, war, megedeath, kids in cages, mass homelessness, that iceberg breaking off.

My feeling is that a lot of emergencies have been ignored for a long time.  This is a great disservice to all of us.

Feelings say: “Holy shit–we need to protect people!”

Logic says: “There is more money to be made here–carry on.”


Chickens may or may not make sense.  Do they have their own chicken logic?

Chickens don’t disappoint.  If they get attacked by a coyote or other predator animal, there can be pain, when your chickens get killed.  But that’s more five of cups or five of swords, right?  Or it could be ten of swords, if your whole flock gets destroyed.

chicken shadow

This chicken liked the dandelion greens I threw over the fence.  She was a salad-hungry hen.  I respect that.  Chickens are my people, and I’m happy for the eggs.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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