how I got my art practice

“Letting go of body shame helped me lose art shame,” I told my friend.  They were asking how I got my art practice.

Yes, I think body shame is at the root of all the shame that has kept me from doing what I need to do.  Healing my shame is a big deal–it frees up so much energy.  For art and for everything.

failure

Can I draw a line without anxiety?  Yes, pretty much.  Does everything I make need to be an amazing expression of my deepest truth?  No, not really.  I’m happy to experiment, try something silly, and fail.

I’m reading a book about disability justice that I like, My Body Is Not a Prayer Request.  It mentions how adulthood is a time when we do work and hobbies that we’re good at, and it’s shameful to mess up.

I could not relate to that paragraph because I’m on earth to learn, change, and grow, which involves a lot of failing.  If I go too long without making big mistakes, I know I’m on the wrong track.  If I go too long without failing, it’s time to adjust my behavior to take more creative risks and life risks.

Authenticity means trying out difficult dives.  There’s no way I can do it well on the first try.

spiritual

But in a way, no art is a fail, if I enjoyed making it.  The pleasure is enough.  Learning something by making art is cool too.  I can take what I learned with me into the future and make more art I need to make.

Mostly my art is spiritual.  It already exists somewhere, and I’m pulling it from the other side.  What would failure even look like?  I’m making what Spirit gave me to make.  Does Spirit mess up?

If the lines are shaky, the colors bleed, the shapes are wrong–what’s “wrong?”  If it’s from my heart, I don’t know what an error would even be.  Maybe it’s not representing well what I’m trying to depict.  The Jaguar could look like a bobcat, or the paper could tear.

But maybe I needed to see how a Jaguar can be a bobcat, and maybe the paper needed a new shape.

daily

I explained that doing art daily is part of how I got my art practice.  Yes, blogging every morning for years changed me.  I’m not afraid of writing, of making art, of telling the truth.  Maybe confidence helps.  I have faith that if I mess things up, there’s always tomorrow.

Like zines–I’m the opposite of a perfectionist.  I don’t want to be one of those people who has drafts of zines they never finished because they felt too vulnerable and couldn’t decide it was done and ready to release into the world.   So I err on the side of early, often, and overdoing it.

Thank you, reader, for staying with me as I overdo it.  I love you.