my mustache

Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  I would like to tell you about my mustache, gender, and how that whole experiment is going.

gender

What’s your gender?  I’ve wished for a long time that we could all have our own gender, and it didn’t need a name.  Or that we could do away with gender as a farce we don’t need–a farce we never needed.

I thought I was a girl, when I was a kid–I certainly wasn’t a boy.  Then as an adult, I realized options.  Here are some genders I see in the world.

• cis lady high femme
• cis lady medium femme
• cis farm lady
• butch dyke
• cis witch woman
• witch enby
• young enby
• old enby
• enby who kinda looks like a man (this is Ming’s gender)
• enby who kinda looks like a woman
• trans lady high femme
• trans lady dykey
• trans man who passes
• trans man who doesn’t pass and gets a lot of flack
• flaming cis queer man
• cis straight man working class
• cis straight man ruling class
• cis man student
• cis woman student
• cis girl
• cis boy
• enby kid
• genderqueer gender fucker

What do you think of that list?  Of course it’s not complete, but maybe you can find yourself on it, or a past version of yourself.

Maybe fatness makes gender too.  Most of the cis lady witches I’ve known have been fat.  And elderness might contribute to gender also.

witch

I was something like a cis lady witch for a long time.  I don’t have a nose wart, but I can cackle if needed!  Then I started going more like an enby witch who looks like a woman to most people.  Then I grew this mustache to complexify things.

I became way more comfortable wearing earrings with the mustache.  Seems a more accurate gender presentation.  I was happy to have that facial confusion.

My kilt helps a lot too.  I can relax a bit, in a kilt.  People tend to read it as a skirt.  But I know what it is, with its specific folds and jangley metal bits.  I correct folks who call it a skirt, and explain that my kilt affirms my gender.

question mark

I grew the mustache since I was a teenager–I just shaved it off, for about 30 years.  So it’s nice it has a chance to be seen, this part of my body that I removed daily for decades.  Yes, it’s welcome now.

It’s a bit sparse but substantial enough to be seen.  What do others think of it?  I haven’t noticed much change in how people treat me.  I think they assume I’m a cis lady who chooses not to remove her facial hair.  But maybe there’s a slight question mark in their heads.

I talk about it with friends, and community has been supportive.  Strangers will think what they will.  My breasts are the winner and ruling champion of my gender presentation.  People see the breasts and think they know my deal.

sex appeal

“Should I shave off my mustache?” I asked Ming.

“No,” he said.

“Do you like my mustache because it makes me unattractive to straight men?” I asked Ming.

Straight men are not my demographic of choice.  But I’ve definitely had more trouble with straight men than with any other kind of person.

“No,” Ming said, smiling.  “I like it because you like it!”

“Oh, ok!  Good!  Thank you!” I said.  “But being unattractive to straight men could be a perk.”

I’ve thought of my fatness as an asshole eliminator, in dating.  No one wants me as a trophy.  Anyone who wants me is going for the actual Laura-Marie.  Not for cachet or cash.

what is gender

What is gender?  It’s a weird idea connected to genitals and reproduction, but hard to say how.  As a girl I was expected to have a vulva, grow breasts, become a woman, and become a mom.  Also I was expected to wear a dress, wear a bra, shave my legs, keep my head down, cook delicious foods, nurture, and get along with everyone in an easy way.

All that was somehow related to my gender, but it doesn’t have to be that way.  Anyone of any gender can have any parts.  Not shaving our legs is the norm for everyone here in Oregon, land of the free.  Anyone of any gender can cook and nurture.  Anyone can be an asshole too.

Binary gender lacks imagination.  If you’re really cis, all blessings to you.  But getting stuck in a box is so sadly boring.  We can do better.  Binary gender is a way to categorize for those who are afraid of complexity–a way to oppress people and keep people down.

A good aspect is how gender can be a way we ally with one another and find a friend group.  It can be a way we are attractive to others too.

soul

Gender can signal who we are inside, maybe.  But does your soul have a gender?

My soul is like a red-white glowing ember caterpillar inside my torso that glimmers with sparks of light.  My soul is like a ghost inside of me that looks sort of like me but transparent.  Sometimes it fills my body, and sometimes it hides.  My soul is an idea that might be fake.  My soul could be my chi, flowing energy in meridians.

Or my soul could be part of my cells.  Or a subtle magic that will whoosh out when I die.  Please open the window so it can get where it needs to go.  Where that is, I don’t know.

Ming

“What does your soul look like?” I asked Ming.

“What?” he asked.

“Your soul!  What does it look like?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Well, think about it,” I said.

“I don’t think it looks like anything,” he said.

“Ok,” I said.  “So by its definition, it can’t be seen?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Can you feel your soul?” I asked,

“Yeah, I think so,” he said.

“What does it feel like?” I asked.

“It feels warm and glowy,” Ming said.

“Does it have a gender?” I asked.

“No,” he said.

He needed zero time to think about that one.

mustache

My soul doesn’t have a mustache, for sure.  But that would be funny if it did.