co-regulating touch examples

Hey, reader.  How are you doing?  I’ve been stressed sometimes and at the edge of my capacity.  Last night I was toast but needed to attend house meeting.  I love touch as a way to relax, and Ming is so helpful.  Sometimes other friends are open to touch also, and I love to diversify.  So I thought I’d talk about co-regulating touch examples.

Part of me is sort of a baby inside.  You could explain to me in 90 languages how I’m ok, but touch with someone I trust is an almost-immediate way of telling me I’m safe because you’re telling my body.

co-regulating

Sounds like some therapy language because it is.  But I love the concept of co-regulating.  Regulating is nice, to feel safe and better, back to baseline.  I have a kind housemate who has touched my back in a circle as I cry.  They’ve also massaged my hands.

What a world of difference that can make.  I remember last time: I was panicking with grief and death-terror after hours of overwhelm.  Ming was away.  My housemate and I texted, and they offered to help.  We went to the north living room where they touched my back as I cried.  I set a timer on my phone for 10 minutes and let my guard down.

Sometimes I was not sure that location was great, as any other housemate could walk in at any moment.  But something about the location was actually good; I want to model that it’s ok to have big feelings around other people  I model that it’s responsible to ask for help.  Also the couch there is squishy-comfortable but not enveloping.

love is real

Touch with someone I trust helps me believe other humans are there for me.  Yes, love is real.  Sometimes I get so socially squicked that I believe no one cares about me besides Ming.  All hope is lost.  My only option is to give up and leave humanity.

Touch brings me back.  I know that Parent Earth, the sky, and my ancestors love me.  My own body loves me–my own cells love me.  The sun loves me, and Mother god loves me.  But I need other living people also.

So here are co-regulating touch examples, if you want to do this more.  Sex could be co-regulating in a big way, but I’m not talking about that.  Ming and I co-regulate with sex for sure.  We create intense needs and then meet the needs.  It’s a powerful way to reset and rest together.

co-regulating touch examples

These co-regulating touch examples are neutral touch that we could do with close friends and family.

• hand massage
• foot massage
• touching someone’s back
• neck massage
• petting someone’s hair
• cuddles
• hug
• spooning
• holding hands
• eye contact
• breathing together
• singing together
• mirror motions game
• dancing
• yoga together

Thank goodness for love.  I’m grateful for many ways to relate.  We can do relationships off script, or write our own scripts.

Our lives can be filled with freedom, if we want them to be.  The world is so wide.  I need more choices for my well-being and health.  And my well-being and health are inter-related with your well-being and health.

One way regulation is good, but co-regulation is collaborative and can be magical.  Help is necessary for our survival.  Helping one another in concert, we can change the world.

new ways to love

Being vulnerable to another person is scary sometimes.  But I would rather learn new ways to love than suffer alone, go back on sedating psych meds, or use other substances to kill my feelings.

Feelings matter.  They’re part of who I am, and I like me.  Happy inter-dependence day.