fun today

“What are we going to do fun today?” I asked Ming.

So many things we need to do.  But we’re here on earth for fun too.  What are you on earth for?

walk

I walked to the nearby park by myself in the morning.  Usually I don’t stray from the yard by myself, so it was fun to do something different.

I looked at the plants.  Things are changing with spring.  What a strange biome I now call home.  This is Oregon grape flower, which is the state flower.

Later I was lying in bed crying, looking at pictures of Oregon grape flower on my phone, noting that other people’s pics have that little bit of surprising pink too.  How does the pink function among all that bright yellow?

Ming came into our room, made a sympathetic noise, and said, “You’re sad.  Why are you sad?”

My reason for crying had nothing to do with flowers.  They were two unrelated tasks.

It reminds me how I can sing in one language and write in another language simultaneously.  They have to be two different languages.

burnout

I saw a brief video on healing burnout in mutual aid groups.  It was a lil taste, part of a larger video.  Then I read an essay that went into a lot more detail.  It was by Dean Spade.

Suddenly I realize why that name sounds familiar.  I read part of a book by Dean Spade called Mutual Aid for a Catholic Worker book group I was briefly in.  Oh yeah, that bright orange book I borrowed from my housemate.

I didn’t like the book at all.  It started out way too basic and dull.  Then it got very specific and had more historic detail than I needed.   I would prefer something in between those two extremes of super general and super specific.

The essay on healing burnout is here.  It felt a little harsh, like the person who burned out is blamed for it.  I’d rather carry the responsibility together.  I recognized myself in some of the lists.  Holding onto power is sad, and I’m sorry I’ve done it.

trust

Trust is hard.  Trust is the opposite of hoarding power.

I don’t agree with some of the things Dean Spade says–for example, using medical language like depression and anxiety.  But I love some of the insight.

I don’t want to get burned out ever again.  The fun today can heal the pain of yesterday, and reset me for the pain of tomorrow.  I’m sorry we have to do hard things.  There’s so much cleanup work, cleaning up bullshit that was set in motion longer before we arrived on the scene.

Wow, that was way too many metaphors.  Cleaning up poop, motion, the set of a play.  I will press publish anyway.  Love to your hard work, reader friend.