Hello, reader. How are you? I woke up hungry this morning. That had not happened in a while. I’m still sick, but the hunger seems like a good sign. Yesterday when we left home for Portland, I needed strength so I was holding rocks.
Do you like holding rocks? It feels like holding hands with a person. But I’m holding hands with the earth. I’ve done it for a long time, to feel stronger and grounded, literally!
love
Actually in my left hand was a shell from Mexico my dear friend sent me in the mail. But it’s worn down smooth and rounded, solid like a rock. It feels like a rock. The minerals have been through something. But haven’t we all?
I took a picture.
In my right hand I held a garnet I bought from a store. Maybe it was Paradise Found in Santa Barbara. I can’t think of where else I could have bought it, based on how long I’ve had it. Ming says he might remember paying for it for me there.
I messaged my friend and told her I was holding her love in my left hand, and maybe her love is in the garnet too.
Then I cut my fingernails on my left hand because I knew I was going to look at a mandolin and would want to play it. Felt responsible–I hate cutting my nails. Sensory hell! But I feel better after I do it.
Then at our rental I put the rocks by my bedside to keep me safe. You know a lot of hippies like crystals. And then a lot of folks talk shit about crystals. But whatever gets us through the night, right?
addiction
What gets you through the night, reader? Crystals are better than a lot of things I’ve tried: cigarettes, lies, chocolate chip cookies, white guys.
Crystals are not that expensive. There’s the upfront cost of a few dollars, depending. But then unlike white guys, alcohol, hustling, gambling addiction for example, crystals won’t cost you your life. Holding rocks won’t cost you your soul.
I played my new mandolin, and it felt good to tune it and share my bed with it. Who knows if I will ever be very good.
“I didn’t have the knack,” its previous owner told me, as she accepted $150. Probably I don’t have the knack, but I’m happy to strum some chords and let my hands find out.
