Dangerous Compassions



Hello, reader.  How are you doing?  This post may be inappropriate for some viewers.  Proceed with caution if you have an innocent mind.  Content warning: sex.

tag team

“Do you know what tag team means?” I asked Ming.

We were lying in bed talking.  I’d just published the post on Noam Chomsky that mentions tag teaming him.

“No,” Ming said.

“Really?” I asked.

“No, I don’t,” he said.

This is where the post gets inappropriate, reader.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


“Ok, well–say I’m fucking Noam Chomsky with a strap on probably.  Seeing as I don’t have a biodick.  And then I get tired, or you just want a turn.  So then you take over,” I said.  “That’s tag teaming.  Basically it’s taking turns.”

“Ok,” Ming said.

I laughed.  “Pretty wild, right?” I asked, thinking of Noam Chomsky’s vulnerable ass.

“No,” Ming said.

“Ah, you like it,” I said.  “It’s nice.”

“It’s nice,” he said.  He was starting to fall back asleep.  “I wonder if there are pictures,” Ming added.

“Pictures of us doing it with Noam Chomsky?  Probably not,” I said.  “But there are pictures in my mind!”

We were doing it in a wrestling ring for sure.


Earlier that day we had a beach daytrip.  It was lovely to see the trees as Ming drove.  It was lovely to get away and have nature time.  We talked for hours.

That was one of the best things about our time houseless / underhoused.  Those long conversations as Ming drove.  I would guess they’re what kept the experience livable.  Thank you dear spouse, for communicating with me so kindly every day, even though communication is hard for you.  You’re amazing.

On this daytrip to the beach, we talked about relationship stuff a lot.  We talked about emotional capacity, avoidant dudes, self-knowledge, and deception.  We talked about housemates and feelings.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I really need in relationship, and what qualifies as fuckery, for me.  You probably notice I’ve been writing about power and relationship a lot lately.


I brought up an idea from Latin American culture about tops and bottoms.  Ming was not familiar with this idea either.  Ming is queerly enby, but not super deep in queer culture.

You know Ming is a strange person.  He’s not into how he looks.  Well, he is beautiful and does have a specific hiker aesthetic with dude-ish casual clothes.  He has very pretty hair.  Otherwise, Ming doesn’t care how he looks all that much.  He doesn’t need to be seen as a certain gender.  A lot of trans people it’s vitally important to their well-being, to be seen certain ways.  Ming is a 1 out of 10 on that scale.


Ok, back to the Latin American thing.  I probably only know this because of a movie when I was in college.  The movie expressed how in some Latin American cultures, if two men have sex, the bottom is gay, while the top remains straight somehow.

Or the gay and straight dichotomy is different.  The bottom is more like a “fag,” and the top is a regular macho man.  It’s different rules all ’round.  Being a bottom was tied in with humiliation.  Being the top was maintaining man-ness.  The bottom was less man, being the catcher.

There was an idea like a bottom is like a woman, and a man who’s like a woman is bad.  Of course, I would never think that way.  My values are not like that.  My values are like: Women are great, men who are like women are great, gender is a scam, and I need way more genders in my life.

Where have cis-het norms gotten us?  Right, other than patriarchy and rape culture.  Please bend gender into a pretzel and eat it.

Was this bottom vs top Latin American gay sex thing widespread?  Was it just generations ago?  Is it long over?  Good questions, Laura-Marie.  I don’t have a master’s degree in that.  Maybe one day.


Dear reader, I hope you survived this inappropriate post.  It’s an experiment.  I hope to sully my wholesome image.  Please continue loving me, if you get the chance.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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