excited

I was told recently that I get excited about people.  I’d never heard that observation before.

Hmm.  Yes, that is true.  I do get excited about people.  A person is a world.  A person is a miracle.

I love the way we accumulate experiences, pass them through the filter of our being, express our genetics, flavor everything with our unique spirit, make world views and art and new ideas.  Wow!

And then I love the physicality of how we inhabit our bodies and what we choose to do with them.  How we move, what behaviors we do, the foods–just the foods are amazing.  Let alone relationships, sexuality, conversations, written language, how we do our hair.

Yes, our hair is very beautiful.  What’s not to get excited about?

community

I could make a whole zine about everyone I know.  And I could be totally wrong.  I could make ten zines just about Ming, and they could all miss crucial parts of him.  Or someone else who knows Ming in a different way could have totally different observations and what they value.  They would be right too.

Living in community in a new place, I am learning so much about life.

• being friends
• relationship styles
• power in groups
• what’s valuable
• communication styles
• how we find truth
• what we do with truth once we find it
• how to be a person among other people

Wow, I am an outlier introvert.  But the people here are so brilliant, creative, kind, and full of surprises.  I love getting to know them.  I try to find the edge of my social capacity.

In reality, I can only be sustainably social for one and a half hours per day.  I keep trying to push it.  It can seem ok to be social more hours, but then I pay the price later in the form of extreme stress once I’m finally alone and relaxed.  My body freaks out sometimes, with panic or trouble sleeping.

alonetime

Alonetime is necessary for my survival.  During alonetime, I think different thoughts.  My soul has a different expansiveness.

Yes, alonetime gives me a vast view.  Huge barren empty places where new something can grow.  I hear myself in a new way.  My truth has a different flavor.

I can make different art.  Also contacting friends is easier.  I like writing letters when I’m alone.  I can access quiet parts of myself that I really like.

Alonetime is very good for the first two hours.  Then there are diminishing returns.  It’s almost like I’m a different person, the alone version of me.  I really like that me.

your favorite you

Do you have different versions of you?  What’s your favorite you?

Long ago I had a bestie, my jr high and early high school bestie.  We read books together and had our own little world.

I really liked the person I was with her.  That was my favorite me.  That bestie went to Berkeley, got a math degree, and became a cop.  She is lost to me, but the love is still inside me, hoping she’ll come back.