Dear sacred inner life luminous searching self. I am so proud of you for looking for safety.
Sometimes I see you as a sweet little doggie, tail wagging, investigating new forest paths and sniffing out the truth. It’s amazing, to see how you try, with such a good attitude, accepting defeat like a champ.
Yes, it makes total sense, how you’ve bravely explored, looking for options for how to be safe in this community and this world. It’s ok to find dead ends. Every no is a chance to redirect your energy to something that could be a yes. Every no is strangely a success.
You’re brave to give it your all. I love how you refuse to feign coolness. I love how you don’t hold back. It’s very sweet to observe, even when you make mistakes. Thank you for looking.
I’m so proud of you for showing up with curiosity. Not everyone can maintain that full-force seeking of truth. Like when you sing with your full lungs, clearing a space, re-finding the force of our own throat’s wind.
Your full-force curiosity is an inspiration. I see you’ve cultivated that skill, and you’re amazing at it.
I’m so proud of you for your vulnerability. It’s a way to deeply honor yourself, and you’ve worked hard at that ability too. People seem to think you were born that way, or that being vulnerable is something you were taught in your family. They have no idea how you were once so deep inside yourself that you didn’t even talk. They don’t know how far you’ve come. But I see it, and I’m very proud of you.
That vulnerability is valuable to model to the world. Thank you for showing everyone who cares to notice how a person can be very real, try, give, extend, reach, fail, and try some more. I love that about you. Your mom loved that about you too.
I see your good heart, and I see your kindness. You can be hurt in many ways. But no matter how you’re hurt, you carry the most valuable treasure in the world, which is your kindness.
The way you refuse to hate is beautiful. People who have been abusive to you, it must pain them so much, to carry around the knowledge that they did wrong. There are many things you can hurt about. But you’re safe from at least that type of shame.
search for safety
I’m sorry that the safety you want is so hard to find. You are a special pumpkin with the tenderest of tendrils. I believe in you. As you continue to become an adult, know yourself, learn how to be social, and understand your unique place in the world, you will find more safety.
Please remember that Parent Earth loves you, the sky loves you very much, the sun is for everyone including you, the waters love you so dearly. They flow outside in all these Oregon rivers, gutters, puddles, creeks. But the waters flow in your own body, in your own cells. Love nourishes you from every direction.
You are never alone. Your ancestors are cheering for you every day. Your foremothers are holding you in their hearts all the time and treasuring your well-being. They will never give up on you. No matter what, they never, ever give up on you. Even when you give up on yourself. They handed you their gifts, and it’s so charming, how you take that seriously.
I love you more than you will ever know, Laura-Marie. Your challenges can feel derailing, but they are also your gifts. The social differences that make community and relationship navigation difficult–they are hard work. But your differences are valuable brilliant freshness. Difference is needed! The world is being destroyed by business as usual.
Your struggle-places are part of your magic and part of your genius, inextricably. The sensory sensitivities that make it hard for you to function are a pain in the ass at times–I see that. But thank you for feeling. Thank you for working so hard not to shut down who you are, how you feel, and how you experience the world. Your sensitivity is strength, even though it looks like weakness to other people.
We need difference. Your differences are disabling, but they are simultaneously worth more than gold. Your differences enrich everything. I’m sorry you bring strange gifts that are not always appreciated and seen as gifts. Even if no one else does, I welcome them 100%. It can be so hard to be misunderstood and feel alone. But Ming loves you unconditionally, and I do too.
Your light is needed in this world. Thank you for shining it. I’m proud of you every day. You have done more good than you could comprehend, even now. And I hope you have four more decades of life to do good with.
Thank you for all you give. You matter to me. Your health matters to me. I’ll do my best to help form safety for you, in all the ways I can.