facts about me socially

Hello, how are you doing?  I was having conflict with a new friend.  Writing about the situation in my Secret Googledocs of Navel Gazing, I wrote myself into a realization about four pages in:  My friend is hurting me about things that he actually has no idea about me yet.  So I decided to list some facts about me socially.

My intention was–Oh, I will share these facts about me socially with my friend.  Then he will understand me better, and then I will get my feelings hurt less.  Great idea, Laura-Marie.  Only one problem.  Who wants to read this dry list, and who will remember anything from it?

Well, I gotta try.  “If you don’t have hope, what do you got?” my mom asked me, long ago.

An item on the list is about overwhelming people.  Yes, I hope folx will moderate as they can, set boundaries, and prioritize what they really want to do.  Meanwhile, here’s a list of facts about me socially.

facts about me socially

Being social in groups is hard work for me and exhausting.

Love and emotional labor are central to my life’s work. – tension between these two

functioning

I can’t turn off some types of noticing and paying attention.

I feel my emotions really hard.

Memory problem: I can’t turn off remembering a huge amount of social information and tracking it–takes a lot of energy.

Evening is my most depleted time, so events after dinner are the worst possible time for me.  I need to save spoons for that.

Touch and reassurance allow me to function and survive.

I prefer a ton of touch and reassurance–but can be manipulated by both.

autism

I need aftercare when others might not recognize that: 

What feels huge for me can be surprising to other neurotypes.

I have special interests in a typical autistic way.

I’m listy, plan-y, have a lot of words, and overwhelm people.

Pushing down what comes naturally to me and trying to figure out which part is problematic, so as not to overwhelm people, is exhausting.

Sensory processing differences mean I am working very hard just to be in the world as my senses are constantly assaulted–makes being social much harder.

I have a lifetime of masking for survival and minimizing my differences for survival.

Often I can deeply comprehend a scene, but that doesn’t mean I can enter it and participate appropriately.

crazy

If I say, “I haven’t been sleeping and am having a hard time emotionally” people tend to hear that as minor when it’s actually major.  My 7 out of 10 issue is heard as a 2 out of 10.

I have bipolar tendencies and lifelong issues with sleep.

When I most need help, I have the hardest time asking for help–I lose my language skills.

I need to be close only to people who see me and don’t mind the work of seeing me.

I offer fantastic, awesome reward to people who are willing to show up and be real with me about who I am and what I need.

I’ve broken out of a family where I was taught I exist to give, especially to white men.

I can’t starve by offering huge feasts to others who offer me an occasional stale twinkie.

I was taught my needs were wrong and I needed to destroy or hide them.

Now I work hard to center and validate my needs, and do that for other people also.

motivation

I thrive on consistency and daily contact.

I bond easily and not always in a way that seems to make sense.

Most people see me and misunderstand, pathologize, or translate me into their own framework rather than recognizing the valid big differences in my functioning.

I have too many friends–I want to show up for everyone I love, so I’m constantly evaluating my priorities and boundaries.

I have a huge touch response–very positive with intentional consensual touch, very negative with accidental and non-consent touch.

I’m extremely love motivated.

I’m extremely sex motivated.  But few people can be there for me emotionally in a skilled enough way for me to make myself that vulnerable to.

I’m a hardcore nester and wish for a bigger family.

wellness

I think about power all day.

My ACE score is 9.  I’m a cycle breaker.

I need to dance, do yoga, sing, touch, and other embodied healing daily.

I avoid tv, movies, radio, adverts, games, stores, don’t usually drive, don’t drink or smoke. 

And I eat in a very specific way beneficial for my health needs.

I write every day and need to for my emotional well-being and health.

I need a lot of alone time. Probably I like myself best when I’m alone or just with Ming.

I reject most of what I learned in my family of origin about values and my role in the world.

I love change, and this is a rich time of trying new things.

survival

I have an unusual combination of different, plus high language skills, so I’m able to explain the differences to anyone who cares to listen.

It’s a lot of work to make my own path, but I have no choice for my survival.