how I’m a slut

I was telling my friend how sluts are the best.  She did something she felt slutty about, and she thought that might be a bad thing.  My opinions started to sound like a blog post.  This is about how I’m a slut and what’s so great about us.

Slut is what a woman is called who has a sexuality and doesn’t hide it.  Slut is what a woman is called who knows about sex and enjoys sex.  Also if a woman has sex with more than one person, during her lifetime.  Oooo–how risque.

It’s supposed to be an insult, like sex is bad.  But we know better than that.  We’re much smarter than that.

sacred

Sex is sacred.  It’s one of my favorite ways to experience God.  The divine is in all of us.  In my experience, the divine is more accessible during extreme states.  Sex is a method that many people use to experience extreme states.  Other ways are hearing wonderful music, eating the most delicious foods, using drugs like alcohol or weed or psychedelics, prayer and ritual, fasting, tattoos / piercings / pain, plunging into cold water, marathon running…

Under specific conditions, sex can help us with our lives.  We can express ourselves, learn, connect with others, strengthen bonds, move energy, relieve stress, reduce chronic pain, manipulate reward pathway chemicals.  Some people can make new people in their bodies, even.  Sounds strange, but it happens pretty often!

Pleasure is transformative, and the potential for emotional healing through sex is amazing.  I’ve experienced that healing myself.  Thanks, Ming.

power

Sex is power, which is why women who enjoy sex and know about it are considered dangerous by those who are afraid of our power.  Fearful, oppressive people judge us for how we dress, who we engage, and what truths we speak.  They might call us names like slut and bitch.  The names are an attempt to discredit us and undermine our power.

But I laugh at that, like I laugh at fat shaming and disability shaming.  I laugh at attempts to take away my power and make me lesser.  This laughter comes from deep in my fat belly.  Nope, shaming me is not going to work.  For the first forty years of my life, I hid my light under a bushel.  I have more respect for myself and for other people, now.

Sex is a valid part of the human experience, and it’s available to all adults.  That includes disabled people, fat people, all genders of person and sexual orientations, elders, ill people, dying people, homeless people, people who are considered undesirable.  It’s not just for a certain kind of cis privileged person who looks like a magazine advert.

trikeslut

If I’m a slut for doing sex and having access to this primal knowledge in my body, so be it.  Sign me up.  I’m like a goddess in a temple, doing love and pleasure for the benefit of the world.  I’m happy to.

Slut is one more name to reclaim, like queer, fat, and crazy.  That’s why my instagram is trikesluts.  At the intersection of disability and sexuality is a trike–I’ll meet you there.  Culture says disabled people should be inspirational in a sexless way, quiet, and easy.  But disabled people are messy, complicated, wild, and might like sex as much as anyone else.  Fat people too.  That’s not a problem–that’s life.

That’s why I asked Ming to take my picture every day on our trike / bike rides in the early morning in Las Vegas, the year I got my trike, the year my mom died.  That was my spiritual practice of being seen and modeling how I’m a slut.

All bodies are valid bodies, even mine.  I have nothing to be ashamed of.  My friend who did a slutty thing doesn’t either.  If she thinks she made a mistake, I’m sorry that hurts.  But mistakes are part of what we’re here on earth for.  If we’re not making mistakes, we’re not trying.

There’s nothing wrong with me.  If a slut is a powerful woman who does sex, that’s exactly me.

Hello, I do sex.  If that’s uncomfortable for you, please examine yourself.  Insulting me with words won’t work.  Please learn to respect all people, including women who express sexuality differently from how you do.

how I’m a slut

Thank you for considering how I’m a slut and what a good job I’m doing, showing up for life.

Sex is a classic thing to do–just about all of your ancestors, of all genders, had sex.  Being sexual is a big part of what an animal is about, over time.

If denial, prudishness, judgement, fear, misogyny, and self-righteousness are your response to sex, please examine yourself.  Develop a more justice-filled way of engaging humanity.

Hating on sex, sexuality, and sluts like me is not a neutral thing.

• Making the world more shamey means harm to kids who are figuring out their role in the world and how to be.
• More shame leads to less realistic and helpful sex education.  Skillful sex ed potentially saves lives.
• More shame can also lead to more oppression, where a pregnant person’s personal medical choices can get them brutally thrown in jail, as culture turns more hateful toward people who have sex.

public health

Slut shaming is about more than just hurting people’s feelings.  Feelings matter a lot.  But it’s also about public health and having a functional society.

I love truth–don’t you?  Truth is where we have to start and work hard to dwell, in order to have true communication and consent.  Those are necessary for justice-based community.  Shaming people into hiding their truth is harmful to everyone.

I want to dwell in love with you.  Love requires truth.