Dangerous Compassions


Hello, how are you doing?  We have been having some weird experiences with animals, lately.  Thought I’d tell you about it.


Of course, I’m an animal.  I’m doing the friendship artalong this month, and the theme is tarot.  I embroidered myself as the Fool, but myself as a Fool bison in a green dress.  September 2 was star, and September 3 was moon.  Then September 4 was the sun, so you see that too.


I embroidered the dress first.  Then I was trying to think of what animal to be.  I considered frog or raven, but I couldn’t decide.

“What’s my favorite animal?” I asked Ming.  We were on a long car ride north, heading to Oregon.

He reminded me of how much I like bison.  “Your face lit up, when you saw the bison,” he said.

But I thought there was no way I could embroider that.  Frog seemed easier.  But Ming believed in me, so I tried.

Later we were at a gas station and looked across the street.  We noticed a bison in a cow field.  Wow!



I’ve been running low on hope.  All this struggle trying to find a home, meeting people, and searching for community is getting me down.  Ableism is everywhere, and fat shame.  Add to that queer hate, trans ignorance, class issues, and racism, and we have big problems with power.  No, not solar panels–power like who gets the resources, who is safe, who gets membership and stability, who is considered worthy and valuable.

These are intense emotional questions I’ve been wrestling with all my life.  But being homeless and searching for community while understanding that I’m a valid, worthwhile person with valuable gifts to give–it’s hard keeping the faith, with all this rejection and “no room at the inn.”  So I want to give up.

Animals are acting weird–maybe it’s climate change.  But I wonder if the animals are trying to convince me not to give up.


The first example is when we were about to leave the permaculture farm in Ojai.  There were a lot of lizards around the room that we stayed in.  But right when we were about to leave, this lizard came close to us and looked at us.

“What are you up to?” I asked the lizard.  “Why are you staring at us like this?”

The lizard had never stared at us like that before.  It was a big one.

Ming saw the lizard also.  It was hanging out on the porch, close to us.  “You should be afraid of us!” I said.

Still the lizard stared at us, and we were confused by it.  Maybe the lizard had a message for us?

humming bird

Then we went to an airbnb in Los Osos.  We had three days to rest there.  We saw sunning lizards there who were cute too.

But I saw a humming bird in a bush.  It was very near.  “Ooo!” I said, excited.  I stared and stared at the humming bird.

Ming came walking up, and the humming bird didn’t get scared and fly away.  “Look!” I said.

I had never been that close to a humming bird before.  It felt strange, and we remembered the lizard who was close too.

scrub jay

Then where we are now in Oregon, Ming and I were in the trailer having sex.  I think it was the first time we had sex here.  There was a knock at the door.  Oops, who wanted to talk to us?

Then there was a screeching sound of a scrub jay.  More knocking, more screeching.  Oh wait, that was not a person knocking.  It was a scrub jay pecking at the trailer.  Peck peck peck peck peck.

Then the scrub jay was pecking at another part of the trailer, doing the same thing.  We thought it left.  Then it came back and did more of the same.  It seemed like it wanted in, like it wanted to be part of our sexual experience.

Hmm, never thought we would have a threesome with a bird!  We laughed and tried to ignore the scrub jay.  Eventually it went away.  And it never did that again.

I can see if the scrub jay was attracted to a window or a place on the trailer where some bugs had landed?  But the way the scrub jay pecked and screeched at multiple spots on the trailer seemed strange.


I think the animals are telling us they love us and not to give up.  If we’re having trouble with other humans, so what.  There’s way more to the world than humans, and that’s a fact.


Bunny was helping us drive for a while.  That was weird too.


By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *