Dangerous Compassions

how I talk to myself in my head

myself in my head

Hello, how are you doing?  I would like to tell you how I talk to myself in my head.  When I’m suffering and losing hope, when I’m in need of comfort, and when I’m going to sleep, this is how I talk to myself in my head.

Is sleeping really hard for you?  It’s one of the hardest things I do.  I’m tired of it!  Hahahaha.  Painful thoughts sometimes attack me.  If I talk to myself kindly, that can block the painful thoughts.  I get cozier and cozier then fall asleep.


I’ve been very sad lately, as Ming and I struggle to find a community where all people matter, even disabled people, queer people, fat people, autistic people, poor people…  A community where justice is central, liberation is more than just lip service, and the whole group isn’t pushed around by people with lotsa privilege and retirement plans.  Will we ever find this mutual respect?

Not sure!  Sometimes I feel like giving up on humanity.  It’s hard to keep the faith and maintain my attitude of self-love, when I encounter deep disrespect over and over.  Loving self-talk is part of how I survive.

how I talk to myself in my head

You matter to me.  I believe in you.  Thank you for the ways you keep trying.  I’m so proud of you.  Your mama was proud of you also.

Thank you for working hard to use the gifts your ancestors handed to you.  I see your hard work, and you’re making a difference in the world.  You make a difference to many people.

It’s ok that you don’t find the kind of success that most understand.  I love you exactly as you are.  You’re ok exactly as you are.  Thank you for telling the truth and being who you are, all the time, even when it’s difficult.

You have a brilliance that’s all your own and a responsibility to share it.  Thank you for all the ways you share.  Your good heart is shining the way.  You’re safe, and the universe wants you.  There’s so much good to do in the world.  Thank you for the ways you help.

I’m sorry some people don’t understand your intentions and miss your worth.  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you.  Even if no one in the whole world understood your goodness, you would still be good.  Nothing can take that away.

Some people don’t have even one true friend.  You are blessed and fortunate to have a kind spouse, and the brilliant, caring people you check in with every day, as well as other friends who understand you and want what’s best for you.  Sometimes it’s hard to feel alone, but you are held safely in the hearts of many.


How do you talk to yourself in your head?  I used to be very mean to myself and criticize myself non-stop.  Things I heard in my family as a young child got inside of me.  I trained myself to be mean to myself.  I was usually kind to other people, but horrible to me.  It was almost a self-defense mechanism–I hurt myself more than other people could, which somehow protected me from them.

When I was a kid, I had “best friends” who were cruel and would do and say bad things to me too.  I didn’t understood that I deserved to be treated with kindness.  I thought friends were the people who hurt us the most, and that was just life.

Then when I was an adult, I was close to men who harmed to me.  Some harms were sexual violation, using me, and saying horrible things to me.  If I brought up anything that could be perceived as critical about how they were behaving, they would tell me I was a bad person, I was wasting their time…I was angry, demanding, and wrong for how I felt.

I was painted into a smaller and smaller corner, taught to hate myself by men I loved.  They taught me that I was hate-worthy.  I collected all of those ideas, believed them, and told them to myself.

The criticism was so painful, my body would constrict and tighten up, filled with fear.  I was afraid of my own words to myself.  I was bad for my health.


How I talk to myself in my head went a 180.  When I say kind words, I learn how to love myself.  Warm kindness is kindled in my heart.  It’s not an exercise.  I feel affection for me!  I like me a lot.

It’s good for my health.  I can relax with myself, no longer hurting me.

Kind self-talk is powerful, free, and rather easy.  If you’re chitter chattering in your head, you might as well do it in a loving way.

Self-touch at the same time really helps.  I touch my tummy, arms, hands, forehead.  Sometimes I hold hands with myself.

If everyone was kind to themselves, and kind to one another, what a world this would be.  Thank you for considering how you talk to yourself.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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