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Dangerous Compassions

chuck e cheese

places

Does this ever happen to you?  You’re going about your day, doing your thing, and suddenly in your mind you get a very vivid sense of a place.  A place from your past.  This has happened to me for countless years–most of my life?  Lately, the place is often… Chuck E Cheese.

It’s kind of like a dream intrusion, but it’s a vivid memory, not a dream.  There’s no story or drama to it.  Just the place.  And it’s not confusing like a PTSD or cPTSD flashback–I know I’m really here in Las Vegas at the moment.  But the feeling of being in the past place is powerful–almost overwhelming.

Probably there’s a psychiatric term for it.  Add that to some other mental quirks, like the voices I hear and number-color synesthesia.  My mind is kinda weird.  But I really like it this way!  Never a dull moment.

fun

Why does my mind flash to Chuck E Cheese?  It’s the one in my homeland that I went to as a child.  If there’s a meaning to this weird reoccurrence of Chuck E Cheese place-memory, I’m going to guess it’s that I need more fun in my life.

I remember the big room with tables for eating pizza, with animatronic anthropomorphic singing animals who moved in a creepy jerky way and were huge.  Then below them was a cheese-themed maze for kids that freaked me out also.  I did not want to get stuck in that maze!

The pizza was sweet and delicious.  Did they put a lot of sugar in the crust and sauce?  I played skeeball, air hockey, and arcade games like DigDug.  That was fun, in a way.  Not my favorite kind of fun, but childhood was often about doing things I didn’t really want to do.

I enjoyed the make your own sundae.  My classmates would have Chuck E Cheese birthday parties, and we had make your own sundae bar.  It was fun to pile on the chocolate sauce and sprinkles, whipped cream, sometimes other kinds of sauce also.

Chuck E Cheese was not really fun for me, but it was the idea of fun!  It was the fun offered–take it or leave it.  There was always a huge gap between how I was supposed to feel, and how I really felt.

fun

What’s fun for you?  I’m always looking for ways to have fun as an adult.  Ming and I don’t gamble, drink alcohol, use drugs recreationally, dance at clubs, like sports, or go to concerts.  I don’t enjoy games including video games.  We don’t like shopping.  I don’t watch movies or tv.

Travel is fun–we do a little of that.  But mostly daytrips or small roadtrips.

Lately we see some standup comedy on youtube.  That’s fun!  Food can be fun–trying new foods.

red bean smoothie

Another place I flash to in my head lately is a smoothie shop in Oakland Chinatown that Ming and I visited with his mom a long time ago.  I was craving a red bean smoothie, and this place had them.

It was kind of exciting, to be in the Chinatown that Ming’s family / ancestors helped to form.  We were trying to have fun.

So yeah, I would say fun is a factor in many of these places.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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