I did a protection ritual. Ming helped me–thank you, sweetheart! Lately I’ve been working on boundaries, and I have a lot of new ideas.
Just like no one is allowed to touch me who I don’t give consent to, no one is allowed to take my energy, time, love, support, or attention who I don’t consent to.
Why is someone asking for this? Do I really want to give it to them? Or maybe the person isn’t being up front at all. I don’t need to meet expectations, silent or explicit.
Being polite, doing what I always did, and doing what seems normal are not good reasons to spend my precious life-force on anything. If a business asks me to take a survey or leave a review, are they paying me for that? They’re a business–they exist to make money. I don’t need to help them make money. I can use that energy to support myself or someone I love.
I have finite resources, so I need to choose carefully. The squeakiest wheels are often the people who are demanding, entitled, and don’t give back. So I should be careful to dodge them skillfully, and choose to give my resources with intention.
You know how at the grocery store, they put at eye level the products that make more profit? Or companies pay the store to have their products placed there. The products are trying to be appealing and will make you blow your budget. So I avoid the eye level products, looking high and low, making a point to see what might be less snazzy but will meet my needs with less expense.
That’s how I feel about people. The snazzy people who jockey for an eye-level placement are not my people. I prefer the quiet, the understated, unpretentious, doing something special and different. Not the people who are doing normal and demand attention in a selfish way.
I don’t need a huge justification to stop being close with someone. Years ago I had a friend who was draining me really badly, and I wanted to stop speaking to him. But I worried, “Well, he hasn’t really abused me.”
As if I needed to wait for his bad behavior to become full on abuse before I could justify breaking away! Wow, how silly is that? Friendship is supposed to be fun. When it’s not fun, it’s ok for me to do something else.
I’m blessed with a big heart, and I have the habit of getting attached to people who might not be very attached back. Slowing down helps me. I want to make sure the relationships I’m giving a lot of energy to really make sense to give a lot of energy to.
My naivety is charming, but it can get me into trouble. I feel huge feelings and show up for love. But I need to keep multiple perspectives. I need a bird’s eye view, as well as understanding of what’s going on mammal-wise inside my body.
Hormones tell me to give. Nurture, support, care for, feed, hug, kiss, touch, love all are fun for me. But I can’t make the mistake of doing that for people who are just going to use me and not give back.
My love is worth a lot. I acknowledge that and see it as valuable, nothing to throw away on people who don’t really want it.
This poem I wrote last year The Miracle is mostly about fatness and rejection. It mentions how my love is nutrient-dense. Not everyone needs or can appreciate that special love. Some people are fine going to 7-11 for a hotdog and a slurpee.
The protection ritual for boundaries was fun. I had a lot of energy. A protection ritual is a great say to tell myself what’s important.
In my prayer, I asked for help from Mother God, Mother Earth, my spouse, my ancestors, and my communities, to make good choices about who to bring close, and who to exclude. I asked to be kept safe, to continue living on earth as long as I’m needed here.
At the end, we buried some ashes in the garden. Ming hosed off the front gate of our courtyard, and I cleaned off the gate with wipies. Then I sprayed it with the rosemary spray we made in ritual. Rosemary is a good herb for protection.
- heart art
- rosemary oil
- spray bottle
- light candle
- moment of silence
- ask ancestors for help
- read art, spouse read art
- make spray
- spray self
- spray spouse
- burn paper of person I need to exclude
- thank you
- candle out
- bury ashes in the garden
- wash gate
- spray gate