I tried melatonin before, and it made me feel like a zombie. Melatonin is a hormone that helps regulate sleep. I couldn’t get the dose small enough. Even 1mg tabs knocked me out in a bad way.
Then I had that panic attack recently and lots of trouble getting to sleep. I needed help. I considered taking a benedryl, but I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning. Benedryl takes too long to kick in, then gives me a hangover.
Oatstraw tea helped me before, but I think I got allergic to it. The last two times I used it, my lips swelled up. Oh no! I don’t want my throat to swell up or tongue for sure. Breathing is my favorite activity.
idea
Eventually I got to sleep that night, six hours after my usual bedtime. I was ok. But I had the idea–what if I tried breaking a 1mg melatonin into fourths? Would I be ok taking that small of an amount?
I told Ming my plan, and he thought it was worth a try. He offered to cut a pill into fourths for me, and I took him up on it. My right hand doesn’t work so great, so some two-handed tasks like breaking pills are difficult for me.
Guitar and uke are ok, since right hand is for strumming. I don’t strum fancy. As for embroidery, I embroider left handed. My right hand can hold the hoop. Ziplock bags are terrible–you have to grip both sides precisely.
To cut the pill, Ming used a knife on a paper plate, and it went ok.
“Here you go,” he said.
“Thank you,” I said.
There was some powder left on the plate. “I’m going to throw this away, ok?” he asked.
“Yeah!” I said “Unless you want to lick the plate like a junkie!”
We thought that was funny and laughed for a long time. Drug jokes are profound, in our family. It’s a long story.
drug jokes
Ming is disabled by narcolepsy, and he takes pills that are controlled substances. Even ones that don’t have street value, he has to do a ton of work to get. He’s sometimes pee tested to make sure he’s taking the drugs he’s supposed to, and not the drugs he’s not supposed to.
After a recent test, the worker told him his results were unusual: he didn’t test positive for cannabis. “Everyone uses cannabis,” the worker said, mystified.
content warning: mention of violence
My ex had some things to say about Ming. He said that Ming was a drug addict–that was years ago, but we’re still pondering it. How could Ming be a drug addict? Yes, he uses them. But the drugs are helpful, not the problem. Narcolepsy is the problem!
I think actually my ex was a drug addict, and he liked to call other people the thing he was. He also called me angry a lot. It was puzzling–I think I’m one of the least-angry people I know. He was the one with road rage, domestic violence arrests and warrants, and who threatened to kill his neighbor in front of me. He was projecting, for sure.
Ming was a registered nurse a long time ago, so he had a lot of drugs in his life just from that. Did he want to be a pharmacist at one point? I think he did.
conclusion
Melatonin is still a lot for me, at a fourth of a 1mg tablet. I heard it’s good for tummies as well as inflammation, and I wanted it to help me those ways. But I’m not sure it’s a good idea long term. Maybe I can find a pill that’s a smaller dose than 1mg and cut that into fourths!
Why is my reaction to melatonin so strong? Maybe because I have the schizophrenia umbrella thing going on. People with schizophrenia are low in melatonin, I read.
So maybe my body got used to being low, and that’s why any dose knocks me on my ass. My body’s like, “Wtf are you doing, Laura-Marie?” Oh dear body. I will do my best to be kind to you.