Dangerous Compassions


Oh hey, I saw a video by Dumbfoundead that I found reprehensible.  It’s rare that I feel grossed out by the values I see in a video.  But I started a private youtube playlist, just to save the reprehensible videos I see!  To show Ming and talk about, or to write about later, like right now.

The reprehensible Dumbfoundead song and video is called Water.  I have no problem with sexual desire and not wanting kids, seriously.  I don’t want kids either.  My problem is with the attitude.  Feels devoid of love in a creepy way.

The wedding dress thing, and the lying that he would see her tomorrow.  Ouch.  The attitude of using people, and women being naive for having emotions and getting attached.  The truth is, people are supposed to get attached.


Then the song Safe, also by Dumbfoundead–wow, what a breathtaking video.  I’m intrigued by the idea of safety, and the racism he’s talking about.  All those iconic movie scenes–even I know most of them.

Dumbfoundead seems to be saying people assume he’ll shut up and be a doormat, when it comes to race.  That’s how he’s considered safe.  But I’m more interested in safety interpersonally.  In relationships–will someone be there for me, for real?  Will they act like they’re sincere, then be a player who just uses me?

I’m crying about being hurt by a friend who I trusted–I was scammed.  I trusted his goodness, and he used my trust to get what he wanted.  Not a neutral, accidental miscommunication.  Most recently he intentionally scared me, for attention, and when I called him to check in and give love to him–doesn’t matter.

His reply a week later gave me no apology for intentionally scaring me.  No thanks for checking in to see if he was ok, or thanks for how I affirm his goodness and tell him he’s loved.  His feelings are everything–mine are irrelevant.  I was having a panic attack about his well-being, and he was intentionally fucking around with my heart.  I don’t deserve that.  That whole relationship, I felt like I was throwing my love away because I was.

It hearkens back to Water.  These women want wedding dresses and babies.  It’s ok not to want that, but it’s not ok for Dumbfoundead or anyone to lie to them, deceive them, or break their hearts.

Is anyone safe?  Some people think safe means boring.  I need safety in order to function, a basic level of safety.

sound issue

Then you know I love Awkwafina.  Youtube showed me this video of her with Dumbfoundead, and wow, why is her mic so low?  This brilliant, powerful lady, and this dude is drowning her out.  I’m not a tech person, but even I can see that someone seriously messed up on the sound.

I like this song Yellow Alert much better.  It’s also a collaboration between Awkwafina and Dumbfoundead.  I really like the part “who an introvert” and not getting lucky with a tattoo of a koi fish.  Yes, I adore how they play with stereotypes, and I learn about culture by hearing them make fun of culture.

Ming being Asian, I need more perspectives than what I learn going with him to Chinatown, what I see in his family relationships, what he tells me, and the weirdass things non-Asian people say to him on a daily basis.  So strange, being a model minority.  Some say it’s not bad, but he can’t rest.  The assumptions, stereotypes, and invisibilizing are constant.

White people who say “I’m not privileged–I’m poor!” or “My great grandma was Native American, so I’m not white or privileged!”  God, I’m so tired of it.  My dad used to say, “I’m not racist–I hate everyone.”  Yes, he did.  Congrats on hating everyone.


I enjoy learning about all of life, but especially Asian-ness from these songs.  Thank you to the rappers who teach me.

I thought Awkwafina was too brilliant to be mean, but I saw a Q and A where she just sounds like an asshole: brutal, lacking compassion.  When she refers to women as bitches, I thought she was being affectionate or satirical.  Maybe I was wrong.  It’s sad, if respect and love are so rare.

I’m crying again, that the world is mean.  I stay home a lot and create a good life for myself, but I guess it’s not the world most people live in.  I’m glad I live with Ming.


By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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