This is my new pink affirmations video. Thank you to Ming for videographing. Sweetheart, your help really helped.
Unfortunately, the camera on my phone is pretty bad. The picture jumps annoyingly! But I think the sound is ok, and the love is true.
Maybe one day I’ll have better equipment. Meanwhile, here’s what we got. I’m hoping to listen to this when I need to know I’m ok, and you can listen to it too.
These are sentences I wrote down to ask Ming to read to me when I’m not feeling well. I like when he touches my back and says these things to me. It helps me keep going. Today I need comfort and encouragement like that. I can feel hopeless.
The other side is blue affirmations, similar to the pink affirmations, but more wordy perhaps. The blue ones came second.
It’s normal for me to feel misanthropic at times. Someone hurts me, and the event becomes amplified. Past pain can be activated. It goes to the future too, with the feeling that I’ll always be misunderstood, used, hurt, and people are not worth it. I get too sad about what I see in our culture, with violence and weird values where money is more important than well-being, and appearance is more important than truth.
I get hurt that even smart people who understand a lot of truth are still fat shaming, rigid about gender, in denial about racism. All the things that are most important to me seem doomed, and people are just teaching their kids to grab what they can and build up their own wealth at the expense of everyone else.
So I feel like giving up and running away. I see why some people do give up on humanity then disconnect, shift their attention to the well-being of pets, get obsessed with a hobby, or watch crappy tv shows and hide out all the time.
Being an artist and doing radical mental heath, vulnerability is a big part of my whole deal. That leaves me open to a lot of pain.
When I hide, it’s to rest and heal, so I can feel strong again to be vulnerable again. It’s not a way to reject humanity, though sometimes I think I want to.
Thank you for hearing my process. I hope you love humanity the amount you want to. Pink affirmations help me heal. I hope you have what helps you heal also.