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Dangerous Compassions

trip note

We stopped at a restaurant in Los Alamos that my mom really liked.  It was our last day on the central coast.  We cried.

I ordered a dish Mama liked, but without the meat.  Ming ordered the same.

trip note

This trip note we left for the waitperson is a good summary of the whole journey.  An apt representation, a fitting example.

trip note

I like how I signed it.  Doesn’t really matter who we are, two travelers.  Many people must do this all the time.  Here’s the instagram post that recreated the prayer I prayed on the patio.

thank you, Mother God, for potatoes, chickens, wheat, the love we lost, the love we have, our grief, tea, and this horrible music from long ago. please bless us on this patio and bless our bodies with energy to do the work of Love. thank you for all we have. may we enjoy this human birth and the pleasures of embodiment. we love you.

The trip was to grieve and try to complete the loop, as I could.  We did great.  Seeing my aunt was moving and important, and seeing my niece.  Ming picked two grapefruits off my aunt’s tree.

visiting ancestors

We went to the Lompoc cemetery also.  Here’s the post for that.

Here’s the prayer for this one.

dear Nana, thank you for the gifts you gave to me. thank you for teaching my mom how to love, and then she taught me how to love. thank you for your kindness, and im sorry you were harmed and didn’t get to be old. thank you for your beautiful children. thank you for the mitochondria i carry in my body. i love you so much. i promise to use the gifts you gave to me and be responsible to do my life’s work. you are a good pumpkin, Nana.

learning

Yes, I learned.  I shared a lot, prayed, sang, saw amazing things like the dolphins, took new ideas into me, processed grief, had wet thoughts in non-desert climates, missed my mom a lot, and faced reality.  It’s work, but no one’s going to do it for me.

Felt great to connect with a few trustworthy friends through txt and voice messages.  They helped me stay stable, and heard me cry and complain and freak out, at times.

Here’s us on the first walk at Harford Pier.  Thank you to Ming for making this homeland trip possible.  Your generosity, skill, and heart are amazing.

trip note

This is the song I was avoiding for two years.  I played it for my mom, our final visit.  She liked it and urged me to play it for Ming.  I sang it on the pier, and Ming cried.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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