Dangerous Compassions

almond butter


“Hey, lover.  I need to tell you something,” I said to Ming, thinking about almond butter.  “There’s something I told you before, but now it changed, so it’s no longer true.  You wanna hear what I’m talking about?”

“Sure,” he said.  We were out in the driveway, and it was dusky out.  I wanted to catch the last light of the day.

“Well, I told you before that I kind of like almond butter, but I didn’t want to get it again.  Well, I changed my mind.  I really like almond butter now.”

“Ok,” he said.

“Yeah, I really like almonds, but I don’t like chewing them.  The only thing I don’t like about them is chewing them.  They’re too…crunchy.  They’re too hard!  But almond butter, a machine already chewed them for me.”

“Yeah!” Ming said.  Please imagine us hugging in the dusk light, slightly cold, warming one another.  “We can get you more almond butter.”

“Yay!  What a nice animal,” I said.  “The machine is a nice animal.  Or else we could get a bird to chew them for me.  A nice mama bird or papa bird or nonbinary parent bird, to chew my almonds for me and put them in my mouth.”

Then I was laughing.  We headed back through the courtyard into the house.  “I had almond butter for dessert.  It was really good.  One or two tablespoons of almond butter, and I’m set.”

good day

It was such a good day that I wanted to write down everything we did and everything I ate, so try to replicate the day.  My moods were rather stable, my pain was low, and my symptoms were not bad.

Health struggles have been kicking my ass, lately.  It’s hard work to stay attuned all the time to my body’s messages, and give it what it needs as the needs change.  Foods that made sense even a couple months ago don’t make sense anymore.  And almond butter can be a lovely decadent treat.


We would eat some of the broccoli that grew in our garden, then a little more would grow.  I asked Ming to take a picture of this lone broccoli flower.  Isn’t it gorgeous.  Yellow and brave.


It made me want an iphone.  His camera is hella better than mine!

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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